A Poem about My Reality Past...

Flutters of mutual sense, occur as I felt prior before.

Not all meetings is connected to love, nor not all meeting is good.

I meet people who became part of my life, etched a single line in my book of experience.

Matured feelings enveloped our acknowledgement on opposite ends, in the end it became a bond of trust.

Undeniable, there’s a lot that I felt before that increased my instincts towards someone.

Been abused in life, conflicts due to immaturity, I had it all in my diary.

It became the essence of my beliefs, that at one point I seemed to give up on living.

It was the downfall of my life, where every day of my adolescent age is filled with tears of sorrow & misery.

There’s a few instance that I did bogus actions that I perceive could cure my inner self that’s broken & rusted.

Out of nowhere, a ray of light gave me a new perspective on the pathway I should take in life.

From giving in to my family’s negative comments, I slowly forged a road on my own that I believe is the key to success.

Once I gave up living, from there onwards I manage to crawl back up from the trench I thought I couldn’t escape.

I was 15 at the time, where it’s the primordial age for teenagers to shape their own beliefs & stand.

Where my family members’ achievement became the measuring ruler for my surrounding to deter my abilities.

Although the rocky way I crawled myself in is a harbinger of disaster, a piece of me managed to survive through the salvage environment whilst the other half gone forever.

From the depths of people’s dissatisfaction & discern, I manage to obtain a distinction in the public exam that’s been monitored by everyone. 

That point on up until today, I always crawled through a harder side of living.

Working twice harder than the masses in order to grasp an achievement, it’s used to my blood veins by now.

The point where I live on from the days where my breaking point almost caused my absolute failure in life during my teenage years of broken family, is nowhere to be judged as to now.

I safely landed in a place called tertiary institution, where I expect all the intelligent people gather.

The environment here is harsh at first, everything seems a new reality to engulf.

Once again it took me time to indulge myself, sublimating my being into the life of a university student.

Awkwardness in making friends due to my painful history, slowly fade away although still remains until today.

Undeniably, all things that I had now is an accomplishment that I obtained from crawling silently within the society.

The abilities that I’ve lost due to my piercing childhood history, slowly returned albeit not in entirety.

Mastering English over other languages, attitude of perseverance was the key point of my abilities.

The confidence that I’ve lost, smiles that submerged during my teenage days, rejuvenate as mushrooms grow after drizzle.

Now I’m almost confident of myself, where it’s the highest achievement in my life.

Undeniably, I’ve lost a lot of childhood memories & shreds of growth experience that a normal teenager should possess in order to mature well.

Sensation of falling in love, friendly conversations within a huge crowd, added with the naïve nature of been oppressed by individuals.

Now I’ve gained it a bit, however I’m still twisted as compared to other healthy-growing teenagers.

How to decisively determine my own statement, that’s the character that I still need to grasp on.

Now glad to God, I learned the true meaning of falling in love.

Vie always proclaim that I’m dejected in a relationship, it’s probably only happened due to my own obscurity.

Getting used of being left behind after aiding the people I care about, slowly I manage to catch the essence of human perception.

The perfect girl that I found became my life saviour, is she the one that I’ve been looking for that will erase my past misery?

After all the disappointment of life that I endured, now I’m a man chasing my ambition without almost anything to lose.

As long as the sun is still in the horizon, there might be a hope should I work hard to improve.

That’s what I’ve been doing all this while, unbeknownst by people.

I pray that someday everything will go my way eventually, where I would finally close my life book with a happy chapter.

p/s: This poem was my actual account on my days living as a teenager, between 14-18 years old.  Can't say, how much had I endured all those time. It's what shapes my mould today.