Trust. What is
defined by it? Most people had their own
preference towards the single letter. As
per defined by Merriam-Webster Dictionary, trust is a sense of belief that
someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc. More than that, it’s an assured reliance on
the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. Myself included, had undergone through a lot
in the “trust” department. As matters
pertaining belief towards mutual relationships emerge these late 4 months, I
slowly disdain the true definition of trust.
Trust is something that’s constructed upon sense of belief
about something, you felt like you want to rely on the people you believe could
do you good in life. Trust isn’t just
bred based on comfortable occasions however, as certain negative environments
could nurture trust as well. When you constructed
a sense of belief within yourself, it would build a nature of allure zest into
your inner soul. Perception, views,
ideologies, psychologies, later would all built up based on the foundation of
trust you believe in. In this visual
universe, trust may solely exist based on human qualities. I trust you, you believe everything I said,
so it seems. If the sense of trust could
be instilled vie its purest nature, I personally believe this world would be a
more liveable, vivid community.
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| When it's disappointing, you would've wish you don't belong here is it? |
One of the most catching issues of trust I had recently, is
on a personal companion of mine, or I would like to say, personal attachment. I’ve known her since I entered
university. A lot of changes I had seen
in her, be it fashion sense, hostility towards her opposites, or simply her
aura of empowering people surrounding her.
That’s the point that I found interesting of her, you see people grow mature
like a caterpillar undergo metamorphosis.
I can’t say, how much I had relied on her from the emotion
department. She’s my consoling guru when
it comes to breakups, family problems, or assignment depression. Yup, our relationship grew as time
passes. This is the part where our topic
begins. One incident during our mere
8-weeks internship sort of shattered my trust to her. Maybe it was sort of misunderstanding or
sort, some “electric sparks” kindled between us the 2 months before. She cried pitifully on 1 of our phone call. That made me assume that I need to have a
social obligation towards her. As she
proclaimed herself “lonely” without friends, I doubted that statement. Her social media was always lashing with
likes from her brethren or pals. I
thought, how could this situation compared to me, who walk around alone,
accompanied by my shadow in accomplishing my daily tasks? It’s the actual A-L-O-N-E for you.
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| Fly according to your own wings, not by using propellers. :) |
Probably, I trusted everything she said, be it her gentle
demure or complexity in conversations.
Suddenly during those early 4 weeks we’re having internship, her attitude
changed drastically. Ignoring my
presence among the “tiny” crowds which is or intern group, talking obliviously
as if I’m invisible, some of the “daggers” that she stabbed into my already
torn-up heart. It all began from her
vision that begin to distort from the equilatorial plane. In order to save the friendship, I had to ask
for forgiveness for something that I didn’t commit. Although it worked big time, the trust I had
for her was never the same as before. I
became hypersensitive relating to all of her treatment towards me, which I
perceive camouflage her actual feeling of not harming my emotions in the
process. The not-so-comfortable
situation, I always find her statement relayed to me is varied from what she
told her companions. The smiles, “hahaha” in messages, my eyes pinpointed
towards these details every now & then.
There’s probably hidden factors that guided her judgment to do those
stuff, but people shouldn’t try hard to portray something they’re not. Should I decide to continue to trust her
& be oblivious, or pretend ignorant & be a jerk? This is just one of my personal accounts,
which continued to linger behind my door every day. You could see, how trust could be developed in
a phased division & diminish in a nick of time. For example, some of the behaviours that
people commit when they had that sense of distrust; “Hrm???” with every conversation statements, fear of using our
laptop for key loggers, these are true indeed.
.jpg) |
| As Li Shengshun said in Darker than Black episode 23, "When you're lost, you should just act on your own instinct." My life philosophy... |
If people are stuck in my shoes, what should they do? Act neutral is my answer. You though the person is so sincere, nice,
Godsend. Then these reality befalls you,
the sensation is like you’ve been slapped in the head from the rear. It’s only in the verge where I wanted to pour
my sincere feelings toward people. Back
to the definition of T-R-U-S-T. Trust is
something that couldn’t be betrayed. It’s
something that’s so hard to receive, back-to-back from all the efforts we forge
to form a solid bonding among ourselves.
Trust me when I say, when it’s gone it’s lost. Don’t expect we could regain the exact
similar mould of trust back. When we try
to repair what’s lost, it could only amend in more lost of feelings, no damage
control ascertained for that.
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| Smile, don't have to say anything. Even if you need to force it. :) |
So for
now, I’m trying to be a sideliner to everything. Viewing my life with a neutral
perception. Even if people couldn’t put
it that way, it’s probably the best way to avoid ourselves getting hurt
again. Trust could exist in a lot of
ways, be it constructed from the hours you had with people, the mutual
agreement among opposites, & even when you decided to lay of your life on a
person’s credibility. Gladly to claim,
that I’m feeling comfortable to protect myself this way. I’m not talking negatively, but these are
among the concrete incidents that I could use to portray the term “Trust”
precisely. Look after our feelings vie a
more delicate way, & don’t construct trust and belief easily just because
the condition permits us to. Think
absolutely before making a life judgment. That's why I've chosen to live as a passive individual. Being a pacifist is awesome, because it enables your to see what's behind the scenes. Not the actions itself.
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| In the end, lie back & review all of your actions. |
P/S:
It’s not something that people did to each other that made the sense of trust
disappear just like that. Sometimes when
a feeling is held back so much, it’s absolute that it’ll diverged opposite its
actual path. Like a tennis ball, it won’t
head in a curve direction even if it’s hurled oppose the parallel direction. We can’t nurture & hold back what we want
to profess actually just so that everything goes according to the “RIGHT”
way. Give in the proper nature, even if
the reality may sting. Maybe the
ointment would do better, if the mosquito bites in the early stage. Metaphor, hihihi…
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