A Touching Composure...Unexpectedly.

      Every time I update this "diary", there's bound to be something stressful that I'll always be unable to shake off my mind.  No choice but to express it virtually, as I have poor conversational skills (besides being terribly shy, of course!!!)  This morning, I encountered my autumn crush twice, as we're studying at the same areas.  But however, my heart stopped thudding, not like before when I see her, my noggin will shook like I've just intake some nephillim (it's a type of drug, a particular song title of Abingdon Boys School that I adore so much).  I guess, people's perception do change according to preference, climate and time.  Time is the main catalyst here.  They could be altered to good or the contrary.  But that's not the reason why I'm updating today, 1 hours 55 minutes (current time) prior to my lecture. 

      Like I mentioned in the previous entry, there's a certain incident that makes me rethink and reevaluate the true meanings behind the definition of friendship.  The certain "she" that I recalled earlier.  She's in the bus too, but she just smiled helplessly as her friend greet me.  I don't know whether to smirk, sneer, or just curve my lips.  It's a thing in the past now.  As I unexpectedly failed in the major subject (it's not as bad as it sounds actually, just miss a few marks), I compose an email towards my lecturer, asking for her forgiveness.  It's the reason why I'm so dull and glum these few weeks, added with a juice of my family's conflict vegetable mixture.  I told her everything regarded my situation, until how I lost my stability to face my life.  Unexpectedly, and unknown, she replied the mail at 2.13 a.m., early in the morning.  That's a shocking revelation.  I didn't expect it to happen in that tremendous speed, just expecting her to maybe just call me to her room or perhaps conveying my regards with a courtesy mail.  As my pals told me prior the exam, she had inquired about my whereabouts to them, and she's curious with my absence.  So, there's really still people who manage to treat me as a human being after all.  I'm deeply touched with it, that I'm totally speechless.  This article ahead is going to be a long one, as I'll insert some of the mail excerpts into this entry. And so it begins.

Salam Farid,

I've just woken up from a deep sleep. Reading your email makes me feel refreshed and energized and I know, I can't go to bed again before replying your email.

Thank you for sharing everything. I am glad to be a trustworthy person who has been chosen to share your problems and of course you need to talk the problems over and get them out of your system and expose them to the light of day.

I do remember you Farid. When I was marking your final exam , I did ask myself, "what's wrong with Farid?". Even, when I saw you a few times in the campus, I'd got a feeling that you should talk to me. :) Maybe I was born to be a teacher and that's why I have had these types of feelings all the times.

About the accident, you should have talked to me during the exam. However it is already passed. The past can hurt but the way I see it you can either run from it or learn from it. Remember this Farid, “joy shared is doubled; pain shared is halved”. If you have told me before, it won’t hurt so much. Another thing you should always remember, “no man is an island; we all need other people”. It’s ok. Pray that I can be here next semester as I am off to NZ next week to continue my studies; perhaps in there, I can find another technique to teach and reach my students' attention. :)

I can’t do anything Farid to help you. I can only lend you my ears to hear whatever problems that you want to share with. I can’t give you good advice but sometimes when we are getting the problems out, we might find the answers to our own problems. 

What can I say?
There was a folktale story about a woman who was determined to do whatever it took, however long it took, to gain a magic remedy to solve her problems. Even, she managed to get a lion hair by herself in order to get what she believed, the magic medicine that might save her marriage. At the end she knew that there was no magic remedy, but only her determination. Just tell your mom this. If she thinks that she loves the marriage, she needs some kinds of determination. She can’t just simply hope to get that from your dad. She’s the one who should move forward. As a son, doa’ is the most important thing.

I remember when reading Quran about a story of Nabi Khidir and Nabi Musa. Nabi Musa was so impatient and wanted to know more when Nabi Khidir simply killed a boy who was still young enough to know anything, made a hole of a boat that belongs to a poor fisherman and even helped peoples who were rude to them. At the end, Nabi Musa knew these were good actions taken that Allah had planned before. That’s why people say that when we are asking something from Allah, there is no such of “no answer”. The answer is only either “yes”, “yes but later is better” or “hold on, I have a better plan for you.”. Believe that Farid.

Don’t worry Farid, I won’t simply sell your stories around. If you passed the stories to my right hand, I will firmly hold it without the knowledge of my other hand. Insya-Allah. Remember this as well, there are no mistakes in life, only lessons.

Just come and see me if you want to share anything. Hopefully by sharing your problems, it might eases your burdens.

“Beware of suspicion, for suspicion is the falsest of talk. And do not snoop, pry, nor envy, cut, or hate each other, but be brothers, O servants of God.” ( Al-Bukhari )

      It's the example that even in the most despicable world filled with human rejection known as selfishness, deception and obstruction, there's a rarity of souls who're living to make people glad with their current conditions.  Although I'm grieving myself like always and people surrounding me may not get the true reasoning behind my behaviour, I'm still hoping that myself will eventually recover from this emotional pain that's becoming a major obstacle towards my road of achieving that pinnacle that's seems so hard to achieve.  End of story...