And My Feelings Swayed Me Again...My Colour

      Seriously, this entry is not related to the previous 2 seasonal crush that I had.  It's a recent one perhaps.  The first seasonal love (I met her every weekends, during training. So realized that I don't had any feelings with her anymore...), while the second 1 is already a goner, weeps...Today's a tired day with all the hops, turtle crawls, tendon straining in martial arts class; however I'm dedicated to reveal my heart's content.  As I had done something that caused my heart to hang in oblivion, I've decided to state out the points that would lead to my current condition.  It's just to clear my mind actually.

      I just did something that I believe I would never accomplish during my earlier days of living with multicultural people: falling in love with a Malay girl.  Not being racial or anything, as typically I'm 1 myself.  But, the Malays from my state is in an absolutely varied lifestyles, everything included.  Stating all my previous crushes that I ever had in my life:

It's heavily CLASSIFIED INFO THAT I NEVER REVEAL TO ANYONE:

1. Connie Lau Leh Ping : She's a a girl that I had a fling on in Primary 4 (not dating, just had an "on" to her).  Later, I realized that's she's the type that's not consistent.  So, forgot it soon...

2. Amy Lee Chai Sieng : My ideal first puppy love in Year 6.  I'm a class monitor then, active in everything before I went into depression at 14 (she's sitting in my back, so our relationship is very, VERY close.  But not that close, hehe...)

3. My "Spring Waltz" :  Like I elaborated, down below in between the entries, explore it...

4. My "Autumn in My Heart" : I constantly encounter her, but with each encounters, we never chat as compared to when we first met.  I think she knows my timidness, but she didn't do as others did (when everyone sees a shy person, they would do the best to help him break out the shell).  So, when I see her, my heart trembles less, but instead it makes me a hypocrite for not greeting her first.  It's a common courtesy right?

      The fifth one is what I'm going to share today.  Boldly declaring it out, she's from my university itself (of course!!!).  She's not that fair skinned, middle height, coarse in her behaviour, and takes everyone in her scope of conversation as an equal counterpart.  As I wonder myself, why do suddenly had a mutual soft spot for this girl?  She's the first one I loved to wear a headscarf, contemporary style, and nothing in complexion as compared to my previous car-crashes.  However, something tingles me inside that I'm trying to investigate.  I'll reveal everything about her so that myself could decipher what is the hidden coding that makes the program run inside my "Linux".  My first courtesy to her is during our constant group meetings.  Sometimes it's held on Sundays (it's the only day that I gets a break from my quite hectic lifestyle).  But my will courage through my lazy pulling and bust through the invisible walls that corners my path to the library.  Once, I brought a bar of ordinary chocolate, put it in my bag for about 3 days, hoping that I could somehow pass it to her whenever possible.  Finally on one of the Sundays, I passed it.  Although it's a bar worth RM4.20, her expression when she received it generally makes up the rest of my then miserable days.  She even posted her appreciation on Facebook. 

      The second one about her is that I have a comfortable, shy-but-open up attitude when I talk to her. Just like when I encountered her at my campus's opposite side printing shop.  Didn't noticed her by then.  Only when her friend acknowledged me about her presence, she turned her back opposite me.  I see her embarrassed complexion, when she say "Hi" in a coarse but somehow friendly manner.  My heart feels warm, but somehow excited at that time.  This happens as a few days prior, I've given her a birthday gift (2 weeks late indeed, LOL).  As before, she's so grateful that she keeps on text-ing me, thanking me all the way.  To be exact, all my gifts to her is some cheap stuff, however she states that it's sincerity that counts.  We text-ed each other that evening.  I'm supposed to rest as my headache intensifies that particular day, probably from my consistent nap time at 3 a.m.. But I feel grateful that someone appreciated my tiny effort.  I'm glad that every time I gave her stuff, she holds it in high regards.  However, she keeps on avoid our head-on encounter, even in class.  And myself is doing just the same because I'm dumbfounded when I face her head-on. (I know it's shyness lingers, of course...) 

      The only thing that boggles my consciousness is that I' reminiscing about my previous feelings towards unrelated people.  Is it that as I didn't receive any care from anyone (except my little brother), I consider these trigonometry as a feeling called LOVE? Or could it be the contrary, that I need someone to love me, treat me warmly?  Feelings are budding within, but I never expected that I would fell in love deeply with someone from my own race.  I know very well the consequences behind mixed marriage: should  we somehow, someway got together, would it become a disaster as well?  Furthermore, my current living style might not be able to adapt to her religious norms.  I do pray, recites, believes in God, practices everything that He instructs, however I believe that I'm not a perfect individual.  My upbringing in Islam is really fragile, as my basic core - the bastard never taught us or nurtured us within the same environment that parents in Peninsula would perform to their offspring.  So I'm like living in dual reality: 1 which I believe dominants over the others in sudden timings.  So, should I ever express my feelings to her, would I be greatly be rejected?  I can see that she couldn't get along well with the ideology of Chinese lifestyle.  Even when I told her about my room mate's condition, she enrages to the fullest, encouraging me to stay at the core and never give in.  When I speak Mandarin to my course mates, I can see that she's not comfortable with it.  Should I manage to nurture a relationship with her, would I had to abandon my Chinese culture, and adapt fully to her ways of living? I couldn't bear to see my mother's words of encouragement about finding a partner candidate other than my own race breaks like glass shatters.  So, should I come clean about my feelings to her? Couldn't dare to do just that yet. 

      I couldn't bear to hurt another individual's feelings, just goes along with my living world of pain.  But I feel that my feelings to her is sincere.  When I see her comments to the other guys, I feel a shred of jealousy within my consciousness.  When I close my eyes, her imagery of harshness pops out 10 minutes before I could be drowsed into dormant state.  So, is it love? Or feelings just to get closer to her?  I had no idea.  One of my experienced boy-friend (who worked together with her in our group projects) advised me to go get her.  There's a few reasoning of course, which I would think as correct indeed.  Firstly, Chinese wouldn't volunteer to convert anyhow (as far as my mother falling for that guy, she later mourns about her painstaking decision).  Second, races other than Malay would just see me as a typical 1 indeed, no matter how fluent I could blend in their kind.  So, I'm now stuck in between the lines.  Should she ever read this entry, it would be obvious that I'm mentioning about HER.  Looks like I'll need to enforce an absolute verdict really soon to solve this mind-boggling complication web of conspiracy.

WE as ONE!!!

(Based a little from Abingdon Boys School's single, "As One".)

Don’t you realize this reality,

Before losing yourself in this world of hideosity,

Walking through the silvery oceanic paths of debauchery,

Coming though the light without insanity,

Judging yourself, with full confidentiality.

The mutual feeling is growing strong,

Inside of you and me,

We must be keeping the intentions firm,

Whether it’s love, despair, or just simply bliss,

Whatever or whoever we are, we are not alone.

We must keep moving on,

Life is a once-blow configuration manual,

Adjust it to the equally unburdening proportion.

So there, we will keep our own moderation,

Before you losing your right, what’s meant to be.

We just keeps moving on,

Blasting straightaway on a curving arc like the rainbow,

Or be like the wind that blows away in heavy directions,

Or simply river flows to the ocean,

Remember that our path goes away in a straight direction.

Whenever you are down,

Just call the NAME,

To be precisely, your OWN name,

You would be fazed when you scream out of it in anguish,

Which would be the apex of mood lifting,

Even aids in joy, sorrow or pain. 

<Farid, 12.24 p.m., 29th March 2012.>

The Mutual Understanding of Human Emotion

      Today I returned at 8 ++ p.m., from going out at nearly 1 p.m. for my taekwon-do lessons.  It's been 2 days since I worked out overtime (well, not actually...).  However, I learned about human emotion today.  It's a very important lesson that keeps propelling my feelings towards my surroundings' individual intact.  Some events like I mentioned previously opened my insight about the absolutely true nature of human beings, though it may be limited to this scope of people within my campus, but I'll tell anyway.  So, it's a stretch...

1.  People who have misconception about personality

     Within this context, it means people who mistakenly accepts a person based on their appearance.  They judge people based on how they accept a people's appearance, be it from wealth, experience, or simply power.  In my life, there's been countless events that leads me to be misunderstood by people.  The best example is from my multiracial status.  Since I arrive in UPSI, I had encountered countless incidents that becomes a thorn in my meat.  Been  in the brink of being swoosh away from the mosque because I look like Chinese, been mistaken and mistreated against my race status (Chinese treat me like Malay, and Malay treat me like Chinese), bullied because of my timidness (be it in the assignments, housework, or social circles), I'm mistaken for a 4.0 scorer because of my firmness, and stern complexion in facing every day life.  People who wouldn't even glare at my name tag would treat me like a Chinese and proclaim in the end, "Ha, you're a Malay ah?" and then treat me like one of their own, or even worse still, Chinese who I felt so comfortable with would later on judge me as a typical Malay after recognizing my initials, doubting about whether I'm practicing the annoying things that they thought an normal Malay would do, such as praying 5 times a day, wearing those smelling "songkok" (for people who didn't maintain them well, that is, like when I sniff 1 head-on during my last Friday prayer in our new campus's mosque), or the most heinous of them all, people DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO CATEGORIZE ME IN WHICH RACE, and later becomes subjected to reject my existence.  This is by far, the greatest obstacle and the pain that I must endure in this tiny society.

2.  People who uses others as a marionette

      Not just anyone would ever be able to perform this deed, just those that possess specialties in manipulating others' will, then converse it into willpower of the victims to obey their command.  Haven't been experiencing it much really, because I seldom being commanded (but as a leader, I never, ever shun my members' necessities, and would be willing to draw in the extra mileage to accomplish the task well).  However, just to elaborate a bit of this nature, they're mostly accomplished by people who're lazy to face the reality themselves, and prefer to place people as their shield to bias away all the bullets and take the final blow to their enemies who're weaponless by that time.  This is just a metaphor to the actual scenario.  People like this usually want people to do their part, before squealing away in the end with the benefits, besides being successfully dodging away from the probable negative aftermaths.  Just like when a manager wants his underlings to fill in his task before claiming the good praise from the big boss eventually.  There's a lot of people like this in the campus, however so far I only encounter 1 scumbag like this in semester 2.

3.  People who thinks negatively about others, but later retracts their outlook on the subjects

      Occurs mainly to people who refuses to accept a person's existence at first, however negates it bit by bit after they acknowledged the person's similarity with them.  Occurs to me either, be it from the Malay or Chinese side.  Mentioning some of my personal experiences, in semester 1, I've been mistaken as a Chinese by my course mates due to the nature that I'm constantly been "coupling" with my buddy Arvin.  However, as they eventually noticed that I'm their same boat, they learned to take me in.  As I constantly greets in Islam, shook hands whenever I encounter someone I know (mostly my course mates), go to mosque (they seen it), they firmly believe that I'm a full-fledged Islam.  As for the Chinese, only a few eventually manage to take me in, the others still look at me with prejudice after knowing that I'm not that someone who they could took to those stalls that sell pork grinds.  They still asks me in disbelief about my history; my family's culture, my origin of learning so much varsity of linguistic knowledge, and my mother tongue.  And so they'll have to accompany me for quite a while before they manage to assimilate me into their social circles, negating the name "Farid" and changing it to 法力instead.  It's a constant repetition of "be-my-friend" process that I'll have to endure.

4.  People who looks highly upon themselves, and not putting others existence within their sight

      This puts into account that bastard currently residing in my home, scraping on my mom's back, and some others who think they're intelligent well above others.  For this context, I'll put into consideration the linguistic course in my university.  For these courses (the heck, I'll mention them all, Malay , TESL,Tamil, and Chinese Studies). For some weird tingling in my conception (it's not a feeling, it's true literally), they tend to consider their courses to be the cream of the crop.  Other technical courses are just a s@#t to them in comparison.  When they hear you mention that you're not a Dean's List Achiever, they'll almost possibly look down on you right at the spot while mentioning that annoying "I score 3.5/ 3.6/ 3.7 eh...your course is easier than me, why is it you couldn't score? Not working hard enough is it?". S@#t with that thought.  In the first semester, I always blinded by the cockiness of the track suit guys (sports science), and later I would foresee that there's more than in the eyes.  Linguistic course, O.M.G.  When they carry the dictionary around, showing off their competency in their language studies, it's a bag of manure tossed to technical studies.  If you suddenly going to be forced to take in something new, would it be easy for you to score? People who constantly excel in the same field that they always score in would just be living a lie.  Actually, these are the lots that always embarrass our uni by performing demonstration demanding for extra posting, knowing that their position is insecure in the future.  Come on, see that how hard we need to kick our butt just to get a B+? These results would actually guarantee our position, not because 1 student needs 2 teachers to teach them the same language.  Go figure.  The most annoying is due to the fact that technical course like ours are misunderstood as easy, commoner occupations like technicians.  We IT-ians are always been held responsible for the study aid devices like projectors.  Blast those history juniors to their stomach's...They are just becoming teachers eventually.  We're the ones who'll hack their data, and manage their discrepancies about information technology.  Eat that!!!

5. People who's harsh in appearance, but behaves better than those who aren't

      These people are fancy, they give others a bad impression initially, but later becomes the actual cream-of-the-crop.  They seldom appears to perform to their full extent in front of others in the fear of being acknowledged, but later becomes the role models that are inspiring to be followed.   Some Kelantan-ese male that I recognized are harsh towards me (maybe perhaps they couldn't come up with my gentle nature) eventually become like my brothers, better than those who performs well in the beginning, but bails out in the end.  These people in my perception are cuddly and should be approached as a long time companion.  They'll inspire you to perform the best, not like those who are just showing off and finally depends on you in typically everything.  Kudos...:-)

      There's more, however it's too sensitive to be added.  Contents will vary from time to time...(inspired by my today's taekwon-do practice, where I observed people who're fickle and those who stands out until the end)

Tunes that Made My Head Banging in Encouragement

      When I post something like this, it means that my mind is greatly puzzled right now.  Trying to bring my consciousness to a halt, then reprogram it to go with the flow.  Not that I got nothing to say, but there's so much that's it is better to be described in the form of abstract sentences.  This band, they really depicts my inner-self (although I don't get a word that they're trying to convey, of course...).  So, basically it's the tunes that keeps me energized, that I listened every single living day, plugged with a headphone, oblivious to my surroundings.  Think I'm going deaf soon just by repeating this routine of self-indulgence within the confinements of my room.  Well, it's me right? The guy with a never ending fill of negativity...

Abingdon Boys School - Blade Chord

karamitsuku yami wo kirisaite
moeagaru kodou no you ni
kisenai itami ikusen no kanashimi ga
ima kimi wo kogashiteku

dakiau tabi furueru yubisaki ga yoru wo azamuite
nijimu keshiki tsutawaru toiki dake ga mata
kawareru basho sagashiteru

tenjoutenka todoroku FLOW
futaiten de doku son ROCK ON
shogyoumujou utsusemi no tsuiyo de
I SHOW THE banshou  <---show them Farid's banshou!!!

karamitsuku yami wo kirisaite
moeagaru kodou no you ni
kisenai itami ikusen no kanashimi ga
ima kimi wo kogashiteku

tsuyu to ochi tsuyu to kienishi yume mo mata yume

kiki wakenai sono karada to karada tada moteamashite
kasumu ishiki fusagaru netsu ni nurenagara
oborete kamawanai kara

kantan airasu matataki
shinsui no ri wo arawasu
uzoumuzou kechirase yo issou
GOT VIBE I WILL SURVIVE <--- So true indeed...:-)

azayaka ni mune wo tsuranuite
kudakechiru sadamei no you ni
hakanai negai ikuoku no kagayaki ga
ima kimi wo utsushi dasu

SHOUT DOWN B**T**D <---Foul words...
NOBODY TRY TO KNOW THE TRUTH
THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE
BLOW UP BEAT BACK BURN OUT
YOU JUST CAN'T STAB ME  <--- Dedicate this line to anyone that steps on me!!!

karamitsuku yami wo kirisaite
moeagaru kodou no you ni
kienai itami ikusen no kanashimi ni
ima wa yakarete

kimi dake ni sosogu setsunasa ga
tadoritsuku kodoku no fuchi de
karenai omoi hito hen no hanabira ga
boku wo ima yurashite

saranudani uchi nuru hodo mo natsu no yoru no yume

Blade Chord Official Video 

Abingdon Boys School - Nephilim

Hanatareta tsubasa ga negai wo makichirashite
Konoyo no hate otoshita inori no sora e to

Sono hitomi ni utsusu no wa kaketa tsuki no rasen
Nazoru yubi ga tadoritsuku basho wo sagashiteru
Dakiau tabi yojireru hada to binetsu wo
Musaboru you ni mata mune wo shimetsukeru

Hanatareta tsubasa ga negai wo makichirashite
Konoyo no hate otoshita inori no sora e to
Yoru no fuchi ni saku hana wo mimi e oshiatete
Hibiku machi no zawameki ni toiki wo kasaneta
Ima mo nijimu ano hi hagureta kioku ga
Kareta hazu no itami wo kizu ni kaeta

Karisome no tsubasa de habataku inochi no hi wa
Aragau tsumi wo sashite omoi wa kimi e to

Chinurareta tsubasa wa mai agari kaze ni nari
Ikusen ni kudakareta chikai wo sora e to

Karisome no tsubasa de habataku inochi no hi wa
Aragau tsumi wo sashite omoi wa kimi e to

Nephilim Official Video 

Abingdon Boys School - Strength 

Kawaita kuchibiru itetsuku taiyou ni sarasarete
Afureru namida ga shitataru mabushisa de boku o nazoru kara

Tarinai kasho o tada umeau you ni kimi o motometeita
Fureau yubi ni tsutawaru setsunasa dake o kakiatsumete

Kodou no oku ni kazasu negai o
Sadame to iu nara
Nokosareta kioku to nakushita kimi no omokage ga
Ima mo okizari no mama...

Kasuka na toiki to furueru manazashi ni yurameite
Kosureru tamashii o me o iru kirameki ga futari o tsutsunde
Deawanakereba kizutsukeau koto sae mo nakatta no ka na?
Mogareta hane no itami ni yorisoi nagara sotto nemurou

Modorenai kara kaerenai kara
Inochi o karashite
Toozakaru ano hi to nakusu bakari no kono ude ga
Kimi no nukumori ni kogarete...

Dare mo ga chigau sabishisa mochiyotte asu o hoshigaru kedo
Kimi ga mezashita yogorenaki sono tsuyosa de boku o kowashite

Koe ni dekizu ni taeta inori o
Sadame to nazukete
Nokosareta kioku to nakushita kimi no omokage ga
Ueta kono mune ni ima mo okizari no mama...

Alone......

Alone,

Defined by being a single entity without accompanies,

Where no one is on your side,

Whether it’s left or right,

Or worse still, being emptied inside.

Alone,

Perhaps there’s a reasoning to experience it,

But most of it is due to self-conflict,

Whether to indulge or just to stay fit,

Hearts chooses whichever is deemed neat.

Alone,

Self-isolation, mutiny towards the system, or just simply the feeling of getting it,

Would determine whether you are being marked as passive or back-grit,

Which one that you practices as a good life eats it soon,

And so it goes in being decided by oneself with great determination.

Alone,

Should one chooses to change the ways or just stick to the norm,

Becomes the one that would reside in each and every neurone,

To avoid it to be assimilated and be regretted in our heart’s own dorm,

It’s best to regress it to the lowest and fill the hollows with better qualities.

Alone,

Comes with its good or bad,

Whichever one determines as beneficial or just simply sad,

Should one goes on with the norms of being single,

Or just explodes and instill a revolution.

Alone,

With the intelligence that everyone’s our own and not our ghost,

Is the sanest of qualitative of decision,

Regress, eject those negativity, and simply express,

Would becomes the greatest assets notion of convergence.  

<Farid, 12.18 p.m., Thursday 15th of March 2012>

A Collection of My Photoshop Arts...Not Infringed!!!

The original pic from before.  My brother thought that I'm crazy when I asked for a piece of paper randomly.  See?

Also done when I'm enraged. Strange...

My own painting (first on a drawing paper, then painted via Photoshop.) Don't know that this application HAD this ability at that time...

My motto~~~<3

City at night. Done when I'm enraged. Seriously.

Read the lines within, don't focus on the pic!!! xD

Dedicate this to my faculty...

A lot of my pals like this one...you decide.

Interlinking each other...

Still...

Without the sentences...

Similar?

The original piece...similar?

Near...

      Some of this pictures had been published as wallpapers of this "diary" before, so it's might not be that anonymous.  Still got some of it, but as I'm getting busier, there's probably less time for me to devise a good wallpaper for this page.  The "Darker than Black" image I'm currently using is just some minor cropping + pattern + fading effects for my phone's wallpaper, but I enlarged it as the dark theme is fit for the decoration of this page for some time in the future.<^-^> 

A Touching Composure...Unexpectedly.

      Every time I update this "diary", there's bound to be something stressful that I'll always be unable to shake off my mind.  No choice but to express it virtually, as I have poor conversational skills (besides being terribly shy, of course!!!)  This morning, I encountered my autumn crush twice, as we're studying at the same areas.  But however, my heart stopped thudding, not like before when I see her, my noggin will shook like I've just intake some nephillim (it's a type of drug, a particular song title of Abingdon Boys School that I adore so much).  I guess, people's perception do change according to preference, climate and time.  Time is the main catalyst here.  They could be altered to good or the contrary.  But that's not the reason why I'm updating today, 1 hours 55 minutes (current time) prior to my lecture. 

      Like I mentioned in the previous entry, there's a certain incident that makes me rethink and reevaluate the true meanings behind the definition of friendship.  The certain "she" that I recalled earlier.  She's in the bus too, but she just smiled helplessly as her friend greet me.  I don't know whether to smirk, sneer, or just curve my lips.  It's a thing in the past now.  As I unexpectedly failed in the major subject (it's not as bad as it sounds actually, just miss a few marks), I compose an email towards my lecturer, asking for her forgiveness.  It's the reason why I'm so dull and glum these few weeks, added with a juice of my family's conflict vegetable mixture.  I told her everything regarded my situation, until how I lost my stability to face my life.  Unexpectedly, and unknown, she replied the mail at 2.13 a.m., early in the morning.  That's a shocking revelation.  I didn't expect it to happen in that tremendous speed, just expecting her to maybe just call me to her room or perhaps conveying my regards with a courtesy mail.  As my pals told me prior the exam, she had inquired about my whereabouts to them, and she's curious with my absence.  So, there's really still people who manage to treat me as a human being after all.  I'm deeply touched with it, that I'm totally speechless.  This article ahead is going to be a long one, as I'll insert some of the mail excerpts into this entry. And so it begins.

Salam Farid,

I've just woken up from a deep sleep. Reading your email makes me feel refreshed and energized and I know, I can't go to bed again before replying your email.

Thank you for sharing everything. I am glad to be a trustworthy person who has been chosen to share your problems and of course you need to talk the problems over and get them out of your system and expose them to the light of day.

I do remember you Farid. When I was marking your final exam , I did ask myself, "what's wrong with Farid?". Even, when I saw you a few times in the campus, I'd got a feeling that you should talk to me. :) Maybe I was born to be a teacher and that's why I have had these types of feelings all the times.

About the accident, you should have talked to me during the exam. However it is already passed. The past can hurt but the way I see it you can either run from it or learn from it. Remember this Farid, “joy shared is doubled; pain shared is halved”. If you have told me before, it won’t hurt so much. Another thing you should always remember, “no man is an island; we all need other people”. It’s ok. Pray that I can be here next semester as I am off to NZ next week to continue my studies; perhaps in there, I can find another technique to teach and reach my students' attention. :)

I can’t do anything Farid to help you. I can only lend you my ears to hear whatever problems that you want to share with. I can’t give you good advice but sometimes when we are getting the problems out, we might find the answers to our own problems. 

What can I say?
There was a folktale story about a woman who was determined to do whatever it took, however long it took, to gain a magic remedy to solve her problems. Even, she managed to get a lion hair by herself in order to get what she believed, the magic medicine that might save her marriage. At the end she knew that there was no magic remedy, but only her determination. Just tell your mom this. If she thinks that she loves the marriage, she needs some kinds of determination. She can’t just simply hope to get that from your dad. She’s the one who should move forward. As a son, doa’ is the most important thing.

I remember when reading Quran about a story of Nabi Khidir and Nabi Musa. Nabi Musa was so impatient and wanted to know more when Nabi Khidir simply killed a boy who was still young enough to know anything, made a hole of a boat that belongs to a poor fisherman and even helped peoples who were rude to them. At the end, Nabi Musa knew these were good actions taken that Allah had planned before. That’s why people say that when we are asking something from Allah, there is no such of “no answer”. The answer is only either “yes”, “yes but later is better” or “hold on, I have a better plan for you.”. Believe that Farid.

Don’t worry Farid, I won’t simply sell your stories around. If you passed the stories to my right hand, I will firmly hold it without the knowledge of my other hand. Insya-Allah. Remember this as well, there are no mistakes in life, only lessons.

Just come and see me if you want to share anything. Hopefully by sharing your problems, it might eases your burdens.

“Beware of suspicion, for suspicion is the falsest of talk. And do not snoop, pry, nor envy, cut, or hate each other, but be brothers, O servants of God.” ( Al-Bukhari )

      It's the example that even in the most despicable world filled with human rejection known as selfishness, deception and obstruction, there's a rarity of souls who're living to make people glad with their current conditions.  Although I'm grieving myself like always and people surrounding me may not get the true reasoning behind my behaviour, I'm still hoping that myself will eventually recover from this emotional pain that's becoming a major obstacle towards my road of achieving that pinnacle that's seems so hard to achieve.  End of story...