Teacher Posting, Good Luck. It's been Social Media Turmoil.

The feeling of uncertain. Doubts envelops your soul, encompassing every direction and sight that you besiege.  That’s the emotion that I’m currently experiencing.  After been hit by a lot of social turmoil these 8 months, I’ve been constantly wandering in thought.  Apart from busying for at least half day reading journals, editing and trying to code programs to extract data, trial-and-error with my thesis chapters, I’ve decided to distance myself from the plague that is called social media.  I mean, it’s the place where you would be shrouded with happiness the most, but at the same time hatred & discomfort.  I could say, for the last 8 months leaving 2016 all I did every day is to focus on my data mining research, testing a mock-up theory that doesn’t seem to have its ending.  When you’re trying to innovate something new, you know for sure that you’re going to suffer a bit in the long term.  But I’m not going to delve deep into my research study.  Data science gave me a headache sensation. :) That section made me quite bored & emotionless for the time being.

As I’m among the only survivors from my batch that remains doing my Masters degree in Information Technology, you could say that I chose to live in solitude.  Life in isolation, deserting all the needs to be socializing.  Everywhere I go, whatever I do, I’ve selected the path as a lonewolf, an avenger seeking answers to my solitude.  Probably after starting my studies last February 2015, I’ve chosen path that many prefer not to walk on.  As my only social circles apart from my early schooling days are my university “friends”, the status that they’re posting slants towards the “educator” side.  Even those few that braved the decision to continue Masters are those that want to show others their superior side.  I chatted with 5 of those that selected to do so, and their answer to why they’re doing it seems vague and ambiguous, like somehow they’re telling me “I want to be superior to others.  My Masters would raise my net worth, even just for a bit.  I would definitely feel worthy more than others!” Well, for people like me (do you believe it if I told you?) who decided to continue pursuing our education while we still have chance, we’re doing it purely out of interest towards the field.  Almost, no exterior motives.  Therefore, every time I saw these self-proclaimed postgraduate students boasting about their status to their brethren, outsiders, their former comrades, I always doubt if their effort really worth it with their knowledge; brains or brawn.  These are the type that hires others to do their program codes, but suddenly got "possessed" by ghosts of system analysts during presentations.  Hilarious.  Don't get me started on other courses.

Like Kyle, you'll get carpal tunnel when you scrolled through this idiotic status much.

 The reason that I’m feeling insecure with my current choice stems from a wide range of external, conflicting factors.  But mostly, they came from the effect of my surroundings.  Nowadays, I often turn off my social media, be it Facebook, Instagram, or even Twitter because the infestations of “posers” are critical.  They seem to possess high nihilistic attitudes, talking good about themselves in front of social media pretending they’re oblivious of the social media crowd that would always highlight all their movements even to the slightest detail.  I used to have ironclad wall behind my feelings (after I got friend-zoned 3 times I somehow lost trust to seemingly everyone, haha), performing decisions by judging the magnitude of logic surrounding them.  If the decision seems likely to fail, I would try my best to avoid that route.  And so, I postponed twice the “invitation” from the Ministry to be educator for the next, 30 years or so.  After taking Education courses in my university & completed teaching practice in high schools, I eventually doubt my entire determination to become a teacher.

"Last time it took the PC kids 6 years to leave. We still got, 5.9 years left."

  I just don’t see it in me.  My mom, aunt, their friends.  My family background is consisted mostly of teachers.  I had already experienced it whole myself.  Teaching in tuition centres, substituting as a tutor in university.  I could see my entire future being shrugged if I select this path.  After I manage to stop a 14 year old boy from being tossed from the 2^nd floor by his bully friends and force a brat-like class to submission to the extent that I lose my voice, I chose to walk a longer path this time.  Both of my closest friend who chose the similar path to me ended up as a programmer in Singapore and education executive in the Ministry.  We all know what to endure, so we evade it early.  So I chose to postpone it.  But a lot of kids (I say it like that because they seem, incapable) in my course tend to select the path.  I see them waited for 2 years, moaning in social media every day, creating mayhem on Twitter by constantly attacking the Education Minister with random tweets demanding for interview session for teacher placement.  

*speaking in Spanish accent* How do I reach this kids?

   I mean, I get it that our university is an education university, but do you need to nag the higher ups to provide a silver spoon opportunity for you just because you chose to remain stagnant every day, waiting for good news to be delivered straight to the front door?  Most of them are the helpless type, that is constantly “On” the social media and posts “I just woke up! Good morning!” at 12 in the afternoon.  Well, we know where does it escalates.   I know majority of these people, I live with them, I see how they perform, their attitudes in doing work.  And I know very well that they’re not qualified.  But slowly I’m scarred by what everyone being doing every day on social media.  I’m the kind of people who does social media to be updated of entertainment matters, how my K-Pop stars strive, latest movie reviews, and my closest friend life condition.  I don't really care if people are going to boast every minute inch of their life. But somehow I always get bombarded by these retard status; long list of thanking everyone for everything, parading support for demanding work from the government.  I mean, this action just made me felt revolted & insulted.  You can choose various ways to ignore them, but they'll just come back and bite you in the rear.  It's not that we're envious of the whole scenario, but more like it's over-asserting and somewhat looks obnoxious.

The feeling you get when you can't get your words through anyone.

 Social media is the platform where we express ourselves to our closest accomplices.  We did something to inform them that “I’m okay!”  But all I see is people keep boasting about themselves, in this case “The whole interview process goes like this….”, “I’m wearing coat for this special day.  So handsome me hashtag #goodluck”.  Group photos like there’s no tomorrow.  People outside doesn't give a batshit to the revelation. But they’ve succeeded in shrugging my previous stoic demeanor.  Don’t take me as an emo person, I’m just a pacifist that prefers to see down-to-earth people, doing things without so much as revealing to the entire world.  But even to the point where my closest friends started to do so every day, is it simply excitement on what they possess or an uncontrollable urge to parade one’s achievement? Like, the kind of selfie enthusiast that would bomb photos just after having a lunch at Mcdonalds.  I’m glad that I chose the life as a pacifist, because it managed to make me to look at priorities in life, striving my way to the top without going to the extent of unveiling the shreds of the life I undertook everyday just for people to be informed and form a compassion and fondness.  When I blended with my supervisors and my former lecturers during my usual working hours as a research assistant, I could see that highly intelligent people doesn’t tend to overexert themselves to express every detail of their life to the masses; just living a decent life, humble but filled with responsibility. 

People want sensational news!

  Citing my few lecturers in the process.  Dr. M. is a lecturer that is highly credible to me.  She taught a few of my Programming classes during my undergrad class, and 1 during postgrad.  Her attitude changed after she taught me in postgrad, and she talks more cheeky and a slightly “you’re an equal” tone.  I respect her for her excel in programming and algorithms, be it as a mother like figure.  I once lost my mind and revealed to her my family problems in an email, and she cared to reply to it at midnight whilst providing a soothing revelation to reduce my complications. There’s a few similar lecturers like that, but what I’m trying to point is by how superior and highly capable one could be but still remains being humble and oblivious to social media popularity all the time.  They live, but they refuse to follow the fad.  Actually I chose to become a pacifist during my postgrad studies because of this few individuals, where personal experiences with them made me acknowledge the point they attempt to convey even in our daily speeches; that it’s important to understand oneself before allowing others to dictate our own future and actions.  Their actions modeled me a bit inside. 

1 word: OK.

Although now I doubt my decision to follow the path that all my brethren chose (and those that say they absolutely won’t, but they end up doing so!), it somehow made me review what I’ve undergone these 6 years I’ve been studying in tertiary education.  Been exposed dramatically to human drama in the end where I’ve been ambushed by even my closest buddies, I remember a word uttered by my senior taking Masters of Robotics. “In this world filled with scumbags and douches that shapes majority of the people’s opinion, you can’t trust anyone.  Even me, sitting calmly here.  I might be thinking ill about you at this moment, but I still smiles to reflect that I don’t.  Probably you do too.  But it’s important to remain vigilant during your struggles.  Trust a blunt knife, and it won’t help you slaughter your enemy.  The knife is you, whether you want it to be blunt in your struggles or sharpen it to save for future to come.”  He mentioned these words with a poker face, that guy.  As I’m writing this, a little wind of relief came to me. Probably because I managed to relay and re-enforce my stand, what I believe in.  Trust not the fad in the crowd, but the inner conscious of you that yells you to follow what you believe in.  THAT gut feeling.  So I’m leaving my entry with a made up, quote of my day.

Like Cartman said, don't follow the fad but create your own.

“Compelled by thy enemies thought and prepare to embrace fallen; vigilant with thy own thoughts and thy may fail.  Let nature shows you the path, strutting towards oblivion or ignorance bliss.”

24 Signs Someone Likes You More than Just a Friend

Girl-friends.  Is it good to have virtual ones, or those that's obvious?  Pros & cons on both sides. Like the one in the pic, my idol crush. blush~ (pic taken from http://www.junhyoseong.com/)

I must say, it's really been a while since I updated.  Been research assistant & continuing master, things aren't as silver platter as during the degree days anymore.  I'm a hardcore programmer now.  Probably, will update my life soon if time permits.  Now my favor's on Tumblr.  But recently I stumbled upon a very interesting article, about the hooey-dooey emotions of love.  Remember my days when I first had my one-sided crush.  It's so related.  Just thought of sharing. :-)

#1 They tell you that they want something more.

This is the most obvious of the signs. When someone comes right out and admits their true feelings to the person who is their friend, it cannot be interpreted any other way than as as an act of affection that goes beyond normal behavior between friends. A friend who tells the other that they want their friendship to progress into a deeper relationship undoubtedly holds that person in very high esteem. When someone begins to view a friend in a more intimate light, they start to allow that person to have a greater influence on their life, and as this influence grows stronger, so does the need to communicate their wish for that person to play a greater role in their everyday life.


#2 They hint at you to make a move

Sometimes a friend is too shy to come right out and admit their true feelings for their friends. Sometimes they will wait for their friend to make the first move. Sometimes, after waiting a certain amount of time without success for their friend to make a move, they begin to grow impatient. At this point they will start to make subtle hints to their friend about the two of them together, and this is a clear sign that someone might have deep feelings for their friend.


#3 They don’t refer to you as a friend

Often times the way a person feels about someone is revealed through the way they talk about them in everyday speech. If someone is speaking about their friend, and they don’t refer to them as a friend, it usually means that in their minds that person has a higher status than just a friend. They might instead refer to that person by name only, or as a “close friend,” instead of just a friend. It is easy to spot the signs of how someone really feels about their friend by observing the manner in which they speak about them candidly.


#4 They touch you in certain places

When people who care about each other are in each other’s company, they often get an uncontrollable, nagging desire to share physical contact with one another. A friend who struggles with intense feelings for another friend will be looking for any excuse to touch them. Physical touching might not necessarily indicate stronger feelings than friendship, as such behavior (to a certain degree) is normal in many functional friendships. It is rather the frequency and intimate nature of the physical contact which reveals their deep desires. Nudging with the elbow, rubbing the shoulder or attempting to hold the hand of a friend can all be signs that someone feels strongly about that person.

#5 They make excuse to be with you alone

One of the most frustrating things about having intimate feelings for a friend is the inability to spend time with them alone, as it is usually the case that friends spend time together in groups of more than just two. Someone who views a friend on more intimate levels will do anything for some one-on-one time with them. A clear sign of someone who wants a more romantic relationship with a friend is their complete disregard of all of their mutual friends when spending time in large groups, usually monopolizing all of their time.

#6 His/her eye contact with you is unusual

Eyes are like windows into the soul. Incredible amounts of emotion can be communicated non-verbally through eye contact alone. It is therefore exceedingly easy to ascertain a person’s true feelings for someone by the way they look at them. Unusual eye contact such as staring into a person’s eyes for an uncomfortably long period of time, or shifting their eyes anxiously away and being unable to maintain eye contact, are signs that someone might view a friend in a passionate way.

#7 They ask you out

If a friend is constantly asking another friend out on dates, this is another hallmark of someone feeling more than just friendly thoughts towards a person. Sometimes it is completely normal for one friend to ask another to accompany them to a music event or a movie. How to tell if this is due to intimate feelings is whether or not the request is presented in a casual manner, and whether or not the requests happen too frequently.

#8 They ask you about your relationship past

Curiosity about a friend’s past relationships is a clear sign of a hope for romance, because it means that person is beginning to imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship with their friend. Getting information about their friend’s history of partners enables them to envision that person as a romantic partner, adding to their fantasy and pushing out the old mental image of that person as a friend. Inquiries about a friend’s relationship past is a clear sign of intimate desires, otherwise they usually wouldn’t even care enough to ask about that sort of thing.

#9 They ask about your future plans

When a person secretly wishes for a serious relationship with their friend, it is often one of their greatest worries that their friend will move on to someone else, and that they will miss their chance to be with them. That is why a person who wants to be with their friend is constantly wondering and asking about whether or not that person is thinking about pursuing a relationship with someone else. It may appear to be an innocent interest in their love life, but someone who keeps tabs on their friend’s future relationship plans is clearly interested in that person romantically, especially if they are asking when, or if they would ever like to get married or have kids.

#10 They get angry when someone else tries to make a move

Jealousy is perhaps one of the most undeniable signs of deep desire for someone. When someone feels jealousy at the sight of one of their friends with someone else, it is because that person feels that they want to be with that person instead. They feel jealousy because it is as though they have failed their own hopes and dreams of being the one that their friend is romantically involved with, and they feel like they should be in that position. Unless someone really cares deeply for a person, seeing a friend with someone else does not cause jealousy or any other passionate emotions for that matter.

#11 They get angry at the little things

Sometimes it can be very stressful for a person who secretly desires to be intimately involved with a friend. It can seem to them as if no one understands their struggle, and that their uncomfortable position of wanting to be with their friend is as unbearable as a living nightmare. It is often the case that these individuals seem to get angry at the smallest things, due to their being so wound up and troubled about their situation. Anger and frustration in the company of a friend are clear signs of passion, especially when in reaction to things concerning the relationship of the two friends.

#12 They remember important dates

If a friend is such a huge part of someone’s life that they remember all of their birthdays and other special dates, this is a definite sign that they are passionate about them. It means that they are so obsessed with their friend that they are counting down the days until they can prove to their friend how much they care. The fact that a friend takes the initiative to make someone’s important dates an important part of their own lives shows that they really care.

#13 Their body language says it

Along with eye contact, body language is one of the most common ways people communicate their emotions non-verbally. It is very easy to see whether a friend feels strongly for another by observing their body language when they are around that person. This can manifest in many ways, for example women will flick or toss their hair, or touch themselves unconsciously when they are in the presence of someone they are interested in, and men will try to take up as much space as possible in order to draw attention to themselves. All of these things are signs that a friend might be considering a deeper relationship with another.

#14 They flirt with you

A friend that is interested in another romantically can often be observed flirting with that person. Sometimes the person’s personality is less outgoing, and so they are less inclined to flirt, but in other cases people are naturally flirty. Sometimes a person will want to flirt but will not go through with it out of fears of rejection, and other times a person might playfully flirt but not in a serious manner. If someone is flirting with one of their friends and is interested in pursuing them, it is because they are testing the waters so to speak, to see whether their affectionate behavior will be returned. This is a sure sign that a friend might be interested in having a relationship with another.

#15 They talk about you a lot to their friends

When someone is on a person’s mind, everything reminds them of that special someone, and they constantly get the urge to talk about that person to their friends. Some of their friends might even get sick of constantly hearing about every little detail of that person’s life. They might even approach the person who is being talked about and say something like, “Did you know so-and-so is always going on and on about you?” A friend who cannot shut up about one of their friends is exhibiting the signs of affections which go beyond friendship alone.

#16 They improve their physical appearance around you

When people really want to make a good impression on someone, they are constantly worrying about their appearance and they are fiddling with it constantly in their presence. It is the mark of someone who truly cares what the person they are interested in thinks about them. For men, such behavior is exemplified by the smooth-ening of their shirt or the fixing of their tie. It shows they want to impress their friend. This is a clear sign of a friend who wants a more meaningful relationship from another.

#17 They hint or let you know that they are single

Letting a friend know that they are single is a clear sign that they are interested in a relationship with that person. There is no reason to reveal this information unless a relationship is desired. Sometimes it might be revealed in a casual manner, but most of the time it is because that person wants their friend to know they are available and ready for a new partner.

#18 They stalk you

Sometimes people are driven by desire to do crazy things, and sometimes this can include following the person they are interested in, with our without their knowledge. They might show up at an event they know their friend is attending, only to play it cool and say, “Oh, fancy seeing you here!” Other times they might silently stalk the person, observing them from a distance. In any case, a friend who follows another around is clearly experiencing intense feelings for that person. 

#19 They don’t block your advances

When someone is accepting of affectionate behavior from another friend, it is a clear sign that they would be interested in a more serious relationship. In a normal situation between two friends, affectionate and intimate behavior is usually met with rejection and awkwardness. This is because friends want to remain friends and are not comfortable seeing their friends in a romantic light. When a friend allows another to make advances on them, it is a definite sign that they are ready and willing for the relationship to progress into something deeper.  

#20 They make the move

When a friend starts to make moves on the other, it is a clear sign that they want more than a friendship. It is a sign of a person who has thrown all caution to the wind and no longer cares about what anyone thinks, they deeply want the person they are making moves on. This is perhaps one of the clearest signs of a friend who wants more than just a friendship, it means the person is directly initiating the process of taking the relationship to the next level.  

#21 They act masculine or girly around you

When a friend acts more feminine or masculine around another, depending on whether they are male or female, it is a sure sign of someone who wants that person to be their romantic partner. In usual situations, two friends don’t really see each other as male or female, they just see them as a person, whose personality is one that they can get along with. Guys will see female friends as “one of the bros,” and females have a similar approach. When a friend acts more feminine or masculine around another, it is a sign that they want that person to stop seeing them as a friend, and to start seeing them as a possible partner.

#22 They tell you something that is hurting them

When a friend views another in a more special way than just as a friend, they will start to rely on them immensely to cheer them up and help them with things that are troubling them. To a friend who views another in a romantic way, it can seem like the only way they can feel better is with the help of that person. That is why a sign of romantic interest between two friends is when they are constantly communicating to each other their various troubles, they are hoping they can help each other through it.

#23 They expect a lot from you

A friend who has intimate feelings for another will feel extremely let down if that person ever acts in a way which implies a lack of regard for them. They might get extremely distraught if the friend they are interested in shows up late to meet them or forgets a promise they made. It is strange for friends in normal situations to become angry or let down because of these incidents, and they usually just forgive and forget. A person will expect a lot from a friend they have feelings for, because that person means so much to them and their impact on their lives has been blown out of normal proportions.

#24 They try to make you jealous

One of the classic signs someone has romantic feelings towards a friend is if they try to make them feel jealous. What the person is trying to do is make their friend notice them first of all, and second of all to gauge their reaction to see whether or not their friend is bothered by seeing them with someone else. Although this is one of the more deceptive signs of underlying intimate thoughts towards a friend, and can often lead to emotional pain and confusion, it is one of the hallmarks of a friend who wants more than just a friendship from another.

Taken from (http://reluv.co/24-signs-someone-likes-you-more-than-just-a-friend/).  Well, it's damn related.  I remember that I had a girl-friend like that.  The first in my life.  And, the last (probably).  Except number 1 of the list, I've probably endowed everything on the list on a few particular people.  Vibe included.  Gladly to say, I moved on, dear.  Maybe somewhere, there's just the right person waiting to be fetched & cared.