I’m writing again tonight. Don’t know why, but after these 2 days of
re-activating my official FB account, there’s just suddenly so much to talk
about. Suddenly I became emo, and
suddenly I had the urge to express myself.
Just hope that I won’t suddenly go to the toilet. Enough “suddenly”-ing dude. This couple of weeks, it’s been endless
worrying for my very dear friend, the cat lover Nur Nasirah. She really had caught up in a huge turmoil
this semester, that she had been absent for already 5 weeks in a row. Me myself and a few of her very close pals
are among the people that actually knows the true reasoning behind her absence,
if not for the reasoning of her sickly state.
She’s present for some days during the 2nd week, however poof
up in a smoke again right after that. I
haven’t officially started my entry yet, but here it goes. So many problems entangled within my brain,
that it hurts me subconsciously.
My
very dear friend, Nur Nasirah binti Ibrahim.
How do I describe her? She’s an average Malay lass, quite moderate
in height, thin and slender figure, with a nice cheek bone. White skin tone, as I see it. Her complexion is quite pretty than average,
as many claimed when they see me and her together. Honestly, I consider her as a perfect soul
mate as well. Wink. ;-) We met unofficially during 1 discussion
session that she had with my good pal Arvin, related to database design. My bro had inquired my advice regarding some
matter that he pertain need outer assistance.
That day when I meet her, I just see her as quite…white. Wow.
Does this sort of girl even exist in my course? She’s on the other scale compared to the other
gals that constantly trying to show off their looks and popularity. Eewww. However, by then I notice that she’s trying
to know me up close and steady, when she begun to inquire about my hobbies and
preference. Anime as I guess, become
both of us’ strength and similar points.
Naruto. At least there’s some
chick who’s not that glued to the Malay melodrama and Indonesian sitcoms, I
presume, awesome.
Up until during the 5th
semester when I’m having the same class with her that I officially get to know
this amazing figure up close and personal.
I remember it was during the 2nd week, the Friday when I’m
trying to get a haircut right after my sole class ended at 11. As I returned back to the campus to hitch a
bus ride after making pit stop at home: changing clothes, I heard a faint cry
shouting my name from the bustling life of shoppers opposite the campus. It’s Nasirah again. She catched me on the spot, asked me about my
next direction. And so I told her
without so much of a reasoning, he he.
But I kind of disbelief it when she asked to follow me too, as she’s
going to the town for some bank matters.
We awaited the shuttle service at the wrong location, but not before we
started to break the ice in our relationship.
Talking about fraps, jokes, she even bought me some Milo. It’s worth RM1.70 that she didn’t break a
sweat. By how she converse with me who’s
quite an anti-social person by then, I realized that this individual is
special. Slowly but abeit, she manage to
crack the sturdy wall inside of me.
The
next few weeks had been special.
Although it had only been about 5 weeks since I been close to her, I
never feel awkward to be right beside her.
Every now and then after our education philosophy focus lecture
concludes, she’ll tail me automatically.
I wonder by then, how come I got someone as cute as her to accompany me
through my miserable days of conflicting with **na? Even though she seems kind of friendly, I
noticed that she’s not the kind of blending in a noisy crowd. So finally, I thought, someone who actually
had this much in common with me. The
atmosphere varies even if she’s close to me like the moment when I’m trying to
be close with **na. I love **na, but I
like Nasirah as a friend. There exists an
emotion that I’m feeling so comfortable with Ira (her short abbreviation, like
how I allow her to call me “Rid”. We’re
REALLY close, hi hi…). We go to town
together, she waits me for me to perform Friday prayers sometimes, eat together
in shops, laugh together, she even ask me to be her bodyguard to pass by the
eerie buildings within our campus at night.
Actually it’s quite sweet to be with someone like her. Every moment we’re been together, we never
talk about immature stuff, just those that’s more of human values and added
with a zing of Islamic features. I mean,
this girl is amazing.
She told me that
back in her hometown in Kelantan, she lives right beside a mosque. Which made her a very religious person. Judging from what she had gone through in her
past, I know that she’s a very reliable, noble and wise person. No hypocrisy whatsoever. The tone that she used to deliver her strong
verbal points, it’s kind composure with facts.
Not like some people who I doubt about their level of Islam credibility,
but always mentioning “We are against coupling”, “Islam is the way of life” in
literally every status that they update on Facebook. I mean, this girl is special in her own
way. I like that. Sometimes during our outing together, we
would had some playful moments, like me buying her yogurt to cheer her aching
tummy, she patting cats in alleys that I had to stand static while people’s
watching, me holding her handbag while waiting outside the ladies’ room, you
name it. This stuff, I didn’t even
manage to do it once during my so-called on-off relationship with the lady who
manipulated me so much. The sweetest
moment come when she allowed me to take a portrait picture with her, without
thinking for I say…10 seconds. It’s 0.1 second
(I counted, really!!!). And we took 2 of
it, without so much of a care about the restricted mind of Malay girls who
glared at us throughout the activity that we had that day (it was a sporting
event, I posted the picture before).
After
that, we had everything in common: group projects, teams, scattered around
campus, you name it. If she’s not been
separated by her pessimistic and by my eyes, negative housemates, I think we
would almost stick together like glue ALL THE TIME. This kind of relationship we had, I admit the
exuded aura is very much varied compared to me and that girl who by now, I shun
so much. Ira is so sweet and demure by
comparison. Why the heck do I ever fell
in love with someone who’s constantly making me trance in emotional state,
doing stuff for her at the back, while in the front I was been eyed by her huge
crowd of supporters? It’s a crazy life for you to think. The saddest moment come few weeks ago when
she constantly updated me about her pain in facing her “disease”, which I admit
some of her previous housemates had already known about. The text that she sent me, some of it
contains wording that I couldn’t describe for the person of her
tenderness. It’s horrible how these stuff
could happen to her. The disease that
she tried to fight for so long without people’s acknowledgement, she’s silent
in her struggle. She never urged for any
attention, be it outside help. I guess
when she privately inquired me to assist her in writing letters for the
lecturers for some class absence postponement, that’s the point when she
actually need a hand to hold.
Sometimes
I delusion when I reminisces the moment that we have together. Every day, she would text me, and so it’s my
opportunity to provide her with the utmost encouragement. But my heart shatters whenever she asked my
opinion to get a semester postponement.
I tried my best to delay her attention, with promises that I’ll give my
all to assist her in catching-up her assignments and lectures, but after
constant contact with her elder sister, it’s postponement that the
chooses. I remember the moment when **na
had the nasty accident, where I cried for 3 nights without realizing. Not to mention those morning when I woke up
and worrying about her state after surgery.
Now, she’s just playing possum, gaining attention wherever she
goes. I’m deeply and absolutely sorry to
say these things, but I personally think that even though she needs
rehabilitation and consolation, besides constant support from her surroundings,
don’t people think it’s too much to ask for?
What about people like Ira who’s concealed behind the shadows, atoning
for themselves whilst fighting their personal battles without people’s
acknowledgement? Ira is the person that
they should respect. People didn’t know
what **na actually did to me, only a few acknowledged that. Even sweet Ira constantly advises me to step
away from her, as Ira’s level of maturity is what I admit, beyond these
childish girls.
So
right now at the moment when I need to privately monitor the accomplishment of
these 2 individuals, some of my heart was lost in the process. I admit, I wasn’t the old Farid anymore. Now I get exhausted really easily, but not
because of doing physical activities. It’s
because of thinking like hell that broke my brain’s tubing. I used to be more energized that this pathetic
state, but what I thought I worry about Ira and my final project is the better,
rather than constantly viewing the very irritating, obnoxious status and text
messages that my never-to-be former crush sends me, adding 10 minutes every
night to make me sleepless. I literally
lost in translation every now and then. Even
a few days ago, 1 of her friend silently scolded me via inbox for posting
status mentioning Ira indirectly. I’m
fed up. It’s due to that woman!!!
Now, I
just want to put my absolute focus on 2 things: helping Ira to rehabilitate her
life, and to develop an awesome Android project as a key point for me to begin
my Master studies. No more of this “**na”
person. Just now I deleted all of her
texts (5000++ of them, crowding my Android!!!) and contacts, with our
conversation on Facebook next. I mean,
nobody would know how aching this woman made my heart in the previous life, and
in the present. If God permits this
time, I just want to find someone who actually really appreciates me for who I
am; my gentle nature, timid, shy, but in the back would manage to control my
naughty state. Really, I got
dual-nature. Watch out, ha ha.. I did this once already, but for now I would
like to do it again. For those of you
who “unfortunately” stumbled upon this page where its language may blurred your
brain with stars on your forehead by now, please donate a simple prayer to my
dear best friend, the very cat lover that I cared about so much with my life,
Nur Nasirah binti Ibrahim. Please, bad
stuff, shoo away from this sweet girl, and give her a healthy and happy life to
live about. Sincerely, thank you.
 |
| I really, really, 绝对，zettai, miss this girl. My closest pal in this university. |
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