Spring Waltz

      For the first  time in my UPSI life, my assignment is completed a week before the academic session ends.  That's next week. Usually, I'm busy even until the day before the final exam.  But, situation differs this time.  So, I got ample time to prepare myself before the so-called final battle, unlike previous semesters.  I pledge to give my best this time, not forcing myself like last time where I ended flat on the ground.  So, I will add another of my true account into display of the audiences.  Second of my life: the spring season.

      Although this season occurs before the autumn equinox previously illustrated, it's a sweeter side of myself, haha.  My spring leaves befall on my home state, the not-so-modern Sarawak.  It's the PLKN camp that's compulsory to be attended by all teenagers...er...I didn't need to explain it, right?  My lucky bullet landed in Kem Similajau, Bintulu.  My campsite is located right beside the sea, where the oil towers are located.  At night, this area appears luminous from afar with the constant release of gas residues from the oil towers into the dark forest sky, simulating a dragon exhaling breath.  It's a magnificent site.  I once thought it's the end of the world when I saw that there's constant explosion noise and burning blue flame shooting from nowhere.  But, guess I'm kind of naive, hehe.  I never lived isolated from my estranged family before, so I acted tough before my departure.  Not many people know that I'm admitted to PLKN service, but it's a good thing otherwise.  When I reach there, my timidity once again overpowered my former being of confidence, where I found myself inside a state of culture shock.  Great one.  I failed to forge relationship with the occupants there, as I'm too naive and couldn't be independent on my own.  I just did what I thought could be done, and refers to it as my everyday routine.  If I wake up at 4 everyday, then I will do just that. 

      A few days after my admission to this strange, mountain-bound, telecommunication isolated territory, I found myself in a terrible pressure, partially from my backaches and migraines.  Then, I snapped.  Literally.  Dring the breakfast sessions at 6.30 a.m., I ran across the wide cafeteria into my dorm, which is a 15-minute walk from the mountain areas.  I hid myself behind the buildings and called my mom, who's working in school at that time, crying like crazy.  So, there's my origin of emo-ness.  Yeah, I know.  It's embarrassing.  Strangely, my family also feels the same way as I did.  My little bro told me through calls that my mom couldn't eat for 3 days; my "dad" couldn't sleep at night, my PHD-sis called to inquire about me.  I swear to God that that's the last time I see my family get into unity like that.  They are nowhere close as that today.  Nowadays my mom doesn't give a damn of my well-being in uni.  It's me who calls home, not the otherwise.  Back to the story.  My family then devised a plan so that I could release myself from the traumatic lifestyle of PLKN.  For social-conscious individuals, they may found that life there is admirable, but for me, I couldn't stand it.  My family worked with doctors to rescue me home because I got a terrible back pain problems from my secondary school life.  After my family's touching visit to the camp and speaking to the commandants, I was finally promised to be exempted with the rules of a proper medical check-up.  When my "dad" attended to me that day, I see that he really loves me when he shed tears and told me to be courageous.  After that, my "dad" disappeared from this world.  His body still remains, but he's an entirely cruel person.  Look at my past reviews.  You'll get it.

      During the morning of my 8th day residing in this camp, I begin to be viewed as a Sumatran tigress; because of the special treatment that the wardens gave me.  They thought that I'm mentally-retarded, by my lack of confidence and the timidness of my verbal conversation.  Stand it, I told myself.  You are leaving soon enough.  The spring came right after that.  That particular morning, I was scheduled for a medical check-up together with 7 other members who's just as ill as I am.  The same case probably.  It was 8 a.m.  Still fresh in my mind.  We finished our breakfast after running, push-ups, and marching across the field.  As it IS PLKN, we must wash our own cutlery's.  The sink space is quite limited actually.  The perverted guys (I wouldn't mention why, it's what I saw they did...) just pretended to wash and talked to the girls,  Pervs, with some of them are originated from Peninsulas.  Strangely, they socialize normally to the people here.  What a damn, ham-sap (gatal) pervs.  I waited at the sink side for my turn.  Some Malay girls just winked and smiled at me.  Yeah, they thought I'm mentally-inable.  But some of them are my classmates, so they know the reality.  I just counter-smiled at them.  A Chinese girl caught my attention.  Kind of looks just like my Form 5 classmate though.  White, smooth complexion.  Noticed her during my first day admission.  

      I was about to do my dishes.  She's doing it for her friends, 2 of them as they couldn't find themselves squeezing into the savage Malay crowds.  Like I mentioned earlier.  Geez, it's just dish-washing.  As I placed my stuff in the counter, she grabbed it from my hand and washed it for me.  Wow...I'm shocked.  Right at that particular moment, she washed it while grinned a soft smile towards me.  I looked her into the eyes.  Really, suddenly a blue electric spark stuns my eyes.  Probably the morning sun ray, but for me, it's...wow.  We looked through each other.  Then she spoke in a soft, well-toned voice, English amazingly, saying: "Is there anything else I could do?" It truly touched my soul.  This girl doesn't look at me with the same perception as the others did.  She's a godsend being.  Her smile towards me is the most beautiful thing I had ever experienced, even from my autumn crush.  I told her that I can handle it, with English of course.  Then, she left me with another departing gift, a smile, accompanied by a nod.  I just stood there for like a minute, speechless while 2 Malay girls looked at me in a strange demeanor.

      My visit to the hospital after that is filled with endless visions of her imagery within my conscious self.  After I left there, I couldn't catch any glimpse of her anymore.  I did left PLKN a few moments after my constant check-up at the hospitals.  I never see her again.  However, God arranged our final encounter at Sibu airport, during which I'm sending my brother back to KL on 10th June, 2010, a few days before my own departure to Peninsula.  I didn't noticed, but it was when I almost left the departing hall that I saw her again, carrying a laptop and a sling bag, walking confidently across the ticketing counter.  I quickly turned back.  She looked exactly the same as she is 2 years back, still as innocent and sincere as ever.  That reunion is what I believe among the best unexpected gift God ever gave me.  However, she's lost without a trace now.  I couldn't even manage to get her number or even worse, her initials.  As the flight that time is slated towards Johor, I know that she's a UTM diploma student, probably degree by now.   If she's in UPSI now, I think I will chase her to the end, even if it cost me my life, haha.  She's better than the girls who ignores people here.  But, if God gives her back to me, then...it will truly wipe out the despair from myself and change me as a whole.  I guess that'll never happen, right?  She's my life's true first crush.  I just prayed that God will reunite us one day, not literally said. There's another of my love story for share...It's true, not fake.