Got Crap? I Do!!!

      The title is harsh, but it's what happened to me. Some happy times, some glummy days... It's just went on revolving. I mean, from the things I experienced today, this article is going to be a harsh one. Preparations doesn't seems enough when you wants to accomplish something perfectly. You still need a tool from the Almighty of the universe: SHEER LUCK. Well, now I believe it myself. What I'm talking about is my presentations.  When it's my turn to speak, I introduced myself. But, the awe I get from the audience reflects it all. I'm walking into a field of landmines.  God, darn it. They just seemed to paying attention to ME, not my SPEECH. I mean, is it a mistake if I'm born mix-blooded? It's my elders who have the hewey-dewey love more than 20 years ago. I mean, in this university, I had encountered countless events from mistaken identity, from shops, diners, officers, and even bus drivers.  What is it that I'm lacking? Self confidence? I'm still in search for it though. Physical appearance? God created me this way, so be it. The way that I speak? So, maybe it's my fault for losing my confidence.  Damn it.  So many negative thoughts accumulated in my noggin' that I slept early last night: 11.30 p.m.. It never happened before.  The sweetness of my ability isthat I could speak in, maybe, 7 languages. People can't insult me without my knowledge.  Chinese society treats me better and with respect, and even I myself blending in with them.  The bad point is, well... the above happenings.  Not enclosing it further, I'm going to disclose today's sharing with a big buzz. Literally. it's getting boring and more boring here that I wish exams could come closer, or something that could loosen the 83-days gap. Really..........................................................................................................................