Love, it can be
mesmerizing & prickly simultaneously.
It’s pretty early for me to compose my semester 5 ending entry, but
taking a rest from my very heavy major and minor exam which just concluded
today, there’s literally 1 paper left.
However, I felt that everything needs to be resolved within the
confinements of the white, virtual writing canvas known as word editor. As seen on all my previous entries from
September up until January 2013, there’s only 1 bugging issue that’s been
hindering my motion all the time. To
separate it into components, I’m going to split this entry into a few sections:
namely roommate, course mate, work, and finally HER. So here it goes.
Want to talk
about my roomate, I just don’t know how to describe them. Horrible?
Obnoxious? Not even close enough.
As I thought the semester before that while I’m living alone in this
spacious room, I’m really lonely without anyone to attend to. Previously our relationship is not that
strained, as I give in to everything that they felt comfortable to. I’m willing to do housework, watching them
partying around, laughing while I’m having depressing moments, it’s all that I
could bear. However, the thing needs to
be stopped. Remember 1 of my previous
entry where I mentioned about 1 of them?
Having a major gaiety of immersing himself into same species
preference? He just got better. I never expected it, but when he’s shouting
on the phone and putting my stuff near pork products, I know that he’s just
obnoxious of himself. He read the entry,
and literally apologized to me. On
FB. The 1 message that I never opened up
until today. Gave him 2 months to
apologize live to my face, but the words never come. I guess, there’s people like that
around. This entry is not going to
ostracize their presence, but I felt that I’m better off without them around,
just like this very moment when I’m alone.
Somehow, I had already foreseen this storm coming, so I just maintain my
silence while living with them these 2 months.
I sometimes hear them gossiping when I’m in the gents, or even using
foreign languages that they perceive I couldn’t comprehend. These experiences made me felt that, even if
you expect that person would forge a bond with you in the future, you would
never expect that they’re having hidden agenda lurking around that very noggin
of them. You could never expect how
people think, although their act may seem varied. Sometimes, you assume that you would be able
to take those blows from them so long as you could harmonize with them, but
they just keep on pushing you on the brink of the cliff waiting for you to snap
and retreating back into seclusion. I
mean, I don’t really know what they are thinking at the moment. How I’d be involved with this kind of people
who seems so slack, it’s all in God’s planning.
Maybe someday He’ll shine out a path of resolution for me to choose.
Talking about
course mates, there’s been a lot going on recently that this particular entry
might just seem not be enough to relay it all.
For these 4 semesters that passed, I always expect that people are
practicing a kind of ritual, some preference when they want to be friends with
someone. What I been through this
semester, it really opened my outlook on life better. Citing an example, when I told her friends
about my feelings toward her. The people
that I told, they’re the very same that read my joyful, ending entry last
semester. After that entry, they keep on
commenting about it online. I thought
that’s a good thing. However, it became
a reason that we literally split up, our relationship fractured to the point of
awkwardness. During these early semester
5, me and ***a’s relationship are getting more and more intimate, with me
posting on her wall without caring about the observers on the cyber community. It turned awful for her, when people keep on
teasing my name with her. When she
keeps on posting status neglecting about our relationship, some of her pals are
been defensive about her. They mentioned
me indirectly about some of my obvious acts, such as giving her presents and
calling her “Dear” within the crowd.
This hurts me in the process. One
of her friend, *a****a asked me right after giving a harsh comment targeted
towards me. I told her every detail, not
denying anything. She gives me her
opinion about the matter, while advising me to maintain my sanity to not
embarrass ***a’s integrity as a woman.
I
accepted her advice,
