Love Our Cat, The Cat Lover, A Friend that I Care About.....

            I’m writing again tonight.  Don’t know why, but after these 2 days of re-activating my official FB account, there’s just suddenly so much to talk about.  Suddenly I became emo, and suddenly I had the urge to express myself.  Just hope that I won’t suddenly go to the toilet.  Enough “suddenly”-ing dude.  This couple of weeks, it’s been endless worrying for my very dear friend, the cat lover Nur Nasirah.  She really had caught up in a huge turmoil this semester, that she had been absent for already 5 weeks in a row.  Me myself and a few of her very close pals are among the people that actually knows the true reasoning behind her absence, if not for the reasoning of her sickly state.  She’s present for some days during the 2^nd week, however poof up in a smoke again right after that.  I haven’t officially started my entry yet, but here it goes.  So many problems entangled within my brain, that it hurts me subconsciously.

My very dear friend, Nur Nasirah binti Ibrahim.   How do I describe her?  She’s an average Malay lass, quite moderate in height, thin and slender figure, with a nice cheek bone.  White skin tone, as I see it.  Her complexion is quite pretty than average, as many claimed when they see me and her together.  Honestly, I consider her as a perfect soul mate as well.  Wink. ;-)  We met unofficially during 1 discussion session that she had with my good pal Arvin, related to database design.  My bro had inquired my advice regarding some matter that he pertain need outer assistance.  That day when I meet her, I just see her as quite…white.  Wow.  Does this sort of girl even exist in my course?  She’s on the other scale compared to the other gals that constantly trying to show off their looks and popularity.  Eewww.  However, by then I notice that she’s trying to know me up close and steady, when she begun to inquire about my hobbies and preference.  Anime as I guess, become both of us’ strength and similar points.  Naruto.  At least there’s some chick who’s not that glued to the Malay melodrama and Indonesian sitcoms, I presume, awesome.   

Up until during the 5^th semester when I’m having the same class with her that I officially get to know this amazing figure up close and personal.  I remember it was during the 2^nd week, the Friday when I’m trying to get a haircut right after my sole class ended at 11.  As I returned back to the campus to hitch a bus ride after making pit stop at home: changing clothes, I heard a faint cry shouting my name from the bustling life of shoppers opposite the campus.  It’s Nasirah again.  She catched me on the spot, asked me about my next direction.  And so I told her without so much of a reasoning, he he.  But I kind of disbelief it when she asked to follow me too, as she’s going to the town for some bank matters.  We awaited the shuttle service at the wrong location, but not before we started to break the ice in our relationship.  Talking about fraps, jokes, she even bought me some Milo.  It’s worth RM1.70 that she didn’t break a sweat.  By how she converse with me who’s quite an anti-social person by then, I realized that this individual is special.  Slowly but abeit, she manage to crack the sturdy wall inside of me.

The next few weeks had been special.  Although it had only been about 5 weeks since I been close to her, I never feel awkward to be right beside her.  Every now and then after our education philosophy focus lecture concludes, she’ll tail me automatically.  I wonder by then, how come I got someone as cute as her to accompany me through my miserable days of conflicting with **na?  Even though she seems kind of friendly, I noticed that she’s not the kind of blending in a noisy crowd.  So finally, I thought, someone who actually had this much in common with me.  The atmosphere varies even if she’s close to me like the moment when I’m trying to be close with **na.  I love **na, but I like Nasirah as a friend.  There exists an emotion that I’m feeling so comfortable with Ira (her short abbreviation, like how I allow her to call me “Rid”.  We’re REALLY close, hi hi…).  We go to town together, she waits me for me to perform Friday prayers sometimes, eat together in shops, laugh together, she even ask me to be her bodyguard to pass by the eerie buildings within our campus at night.  Actually it’s quite sweet to be with someone like her.  Every moment we’re been together, we never talk about immature stuff, just those that’s more of human values and added with a zing of Islamic features.  I mean, this girl is amazing.   

She told me that back in her hometown in Kelantan, she lives right beside a mosque.  Which made her a very religious person.  Judging from what she had gone through in her past, I know that she’s a very reliable, noble and wise person.  No hypocrisy whatsoever.  The tone that she used to deliver her strong verbal points, it’s kind composure with facts.  Not like some people who I doubt about their level of Islam credibility, but always mentioning “We are against coupling”, “Islam is the way of life” in literally every status that they update on Facebook.  I mean, this girl is special in her own way.  I like that.  Sometimes during our outing together, we would had some playful moments, like me buying her yogurt to cheer her aching tummy, she patting cats in alleys that I had to stand static while people’s watching, me holding her handbag while waiting outside the ladies’ room, you name it.  This stuff, I didn’t even manage to do it once during my so-called on-off relationship with the lady who manipulated me so much.  The sweetest moment come when she allowed me to take a portrait picture with her, without thinking for I say…10 seconds.  It’s 0.1 second (I counted, really!!!).  And we took 2 of it, without so much of a care about the restricted mind of Malay girls who glared at us throughout the activity that we had that day (it was a sporting event, I posted the picture before).

After that, we had everything in common: group projects, teams, scattered around campus, you name it.  If she’s not been separated by her pessimistic and by my eyes, negative housemates, I think we would almost stick together like glue ALL THE TIME.  This kind of relationship we had, I admit the exuded aura is very much varied compared to me and that girl who by now, I shun so much.  Ira is so sweet and demure by comparison.  Why the heck do I ever fell in love with someone who’s constantly making me trance in emotional state, doing stuff for her at the back, while in the front I was been eyed by her huge crowd of supporters? It’s a crazy life for you to think.  The saddest moment come few weeks ago when she constantly updated me about her pain in facing her “disease”, which I admit some of her previous housemates had already known about.  The text that she sent me, some of it contains wording that I couldn’t describe for the person of her tenderness.  It’s horrible how these stuff could happen to her.  The disease that she tried to fight for so long without people’s acknowledgement, she’s silent in her struggle.  She never urged for any attention, be it outside help.  I guess when she privately inquired me to assist her in writing letters for the lecturers for some class absence postponement, that’s the point when she actually need a hand to hold.   

Sometimes I delusion when I reminisces the moment that we have together.  Every day, she would text me, and so it’s my opportunity to provide her with the utmost encouragement.  But my heart shatters whenever she asked my opinion to get a semester postponement.   I tried my best to delay her attention, with promises that I’ll give my all to assist her in catching-up her assignments and lectures, but after constant contact with her elder sister, it’s postponement that the chooses.  I remember the moment when **na had the nasty accident, where I cried for 3 nights without realizing.  Not to mention those morning when I woke up and worrying about her state after surgery.  Now, she’s just playing possum, gaining attention wherever she goes.  I’m deeply and absolutely sorry to say these things, but I personally think that even though she needs rehabilitation and consolation, besides constant support from her surroundings, don’t people think it’s too much to ask for?  What about people like Ira who’s concealed behind the shadows, atoning for themselves whilst fighting their personal battles without people’s acknowledgement?  Ira is the person that they should respect.  People didn’t know what **na actually did to me, only a few acknowledged that.  Even sweet Ira constantly advises me to step away from her, as Ira’s level of maturity is what I admit, beyond these childish girls.

So right now at the moment when I need to privately monitor the accomplishment of these 2 individuals, some of my heart was lost in the process.  I admit, I wasn’t the old Farid anymore.  Now I get exhausted really easily, but not because of doing physical activities.  It’s because of thinking like hell that broke my brain’s tubing.  I used to be more energized that this pathetic state, but what I thought I worry about Ira and my final project is the better, rather than constantly viewing the very irritating, obnoxious status and text messages that my never-to-be former crush sends me, adding 10 minutes every night to make me sleepless.  I literally lost in translation every now and then.  Even a few days ago, 1 of her friend silently scolded me via inbox for posting status mentioning Ira indirectly.  I’m fed up.  It’s due to that woman!!! 

Now, I just want to put my absolute focus on 2 things: helping Ira to rehabilitate her life, and to develop an awesome Android project as a key point for me to begin my Master studies.  No more of this “**na” person.  Just now I deleted all of her texts (5000++ of them, crowding my Android!!!) and contacts, with our conversation on Facebook next.  I mean, nobody would know how aching this woman made my heart in the previous life, and in the present.  If God permits this time, I just want to find someone who actually really appreciates me for who I am; my gentle nature, timid, shy, but in the back would manage to control my naughty state.  Really, I got dual-nature.  Watch out, ha ha..  I did this once already, but for now I would like to do it again.  For those of you who “unfortunately” stumbled upon this page where its language may blurred your brain with stars on your forehead by now, please donate a simple prayer to my dear best friend, the very cat lover that I cared about so much with my life, Nur Nasirah binti Ibrahim.  Please, bad stuff, shoo away from this sweet girl, and give her a healthy and happy life to live about.  Sincerely, thank you.

I really, really, 绝对，zettai, miss this girl.  My closest pal in this university.

A Pictorial Midnight...Pinch of Remedy for My Blank Self

      A dull midnight I'll say...it's 2 a.m. on the clock, and I'm nearly asleep after doing some final year project proposal.  My mood, kind of feels dry.  But it's probably time to share some fun stuff that I had during these period that I considered tough to chew.  So here it is (I'm still not feeling like composing a long one.  The novel that I wrote a few months back must've drained my overhead battery.  See if I'll upload the 1st chapter soon).  These are my pic diary, version 1.1. :-)

The moment when I helped lifted up the biggest catch of the day (actually, I'm the only referee at that area, and the 2 walked in the second we knew it's the big one. Duh~)

Group photo time. But they kind of snap a heck lot of their own pics that day.  Sigh... (10th March 2013)

See? I'm working... :-p

Eyes glaring at the camera, hehe...honestly I didn't notice we're on the verge of being photographed. LOL~

The JMK (College Commitee Council) member that I had so much in common, even on our perspectives of the organization we're working on: Unit Kediaman Luar Kampus.  Jealous? She's owned. :-)

Last Saturday's Ponggal Nite event, with my current best pal Shan.  We had so much in common, hehe...

The swore-in ceremony of our commitee's duty exchanging members.  It's last semester's business anyway...

The fishing spot: quiet, serene, filled with itchy bugs.  Literally.  But, worth a Sunday to wake up at 6 a.m. :-)

Asyraf.  Me.  Casual look.

Hari Raya Haji.  Me.  Pals.  Get crazy.

 

Me.  Playful mode.  No serious, hehe...

Interview / Field trip work with the Village Head of Kampung Kalumpang, Hulu Selangor.

Me.  Brother.  Peace sign.

Penang trip.  So my kind of guys...

Ernie.  Rarely I see her without makeup, but that day she kind of look pretty and natural without it.  Blush~ No wonder people are talking whenever we're together last semester.  Right?

Another snap outside our Penang chalet.  I <3 my pose here, as I was kind of sleepy and look...mean. ^-^

Me.  Macho mode.  Girls, fall for me. :-p

The moment after we finished our final paper during the 5th semester.  That time, only God knows how relief I am: from the hinderance of Wana, and after I studied non-stop since Christmas.

Me and Fandy.  He's the apple of my eye. :-)

My History lecturer.  Invited us to KFC just to "discuss" our topic.  What a guy he is.  Earned my respect. ^-^

 p/s: A picture tells a thousand words.  If you don't understand the picture, then you just don't understand the words.  LOL.

My Poem for Starting Semester 6... Unofficially

Principles of Living with Emotions...

Credit to: Darker than Black

Friends,

What are they for?

Sometimes you feel like you wanted to do everything for them,

They who remain by your side during your ups and downs,
Contributors and stakeholders to either bliss to your soul, or miseries to your heart,

People who are considered as pals, never overlook the details,

As there are friends who may seem disdain to ourselves, ignoring everything we composes,

But in the back, they’re the ones who considered us in everything they did, even inserted our initials within their prayers;

Or worse still, people who we trusts as mutual entities and respected as such,

And ended up being a rotten scoundrel, full of filth with greed and self-centered attitudes to encompass  their so-called path of righteousness.

With this in mind, would we remain as dumb as we are, carrying the very little shred of dignity that we had to trail them around, or splash out the effort of repairing the relationship with the sole hope of recovering what’s lost inside?

Love,

What does it contains?

When we fell in love, the feelings are atmospheric and heavenly,

We would think of nothing but the people that we care, their imagery within our subconscious in everything that we did,

To the extent of shunning our own dignity and respect, just so that we could provide our person of endearment a pinch of sugary happiness,

But as tender and solicit it shoulders in the enzyme of hormone secretion, there’s uncountable prickly thorns of pain,

When the person that we expected to reflect back our composure with joy, turns down every shred of infatuated deeds that we done to them with a reality full of dejection,

While we ignorantly, blatantly carries every errand that they entrusts into our head of simplicity, issues arise whether it’s a manipulation of courtesy or just a testing of pure feelings,

In the end, there’s only 2 dead ends to the formula of love;

Be it that we’re happy with them, smiles volleyed at our cheeks, with the proud air of confidence on our chest saying, “This person is my eternal partner.”,

Or we just foolishly view them living their life full of conspiracy, hands clamping for public attention with their so-called “pity heartbreak” and I’m the hurting side”, while we retreats into the shadows of seclusion signifying an empty confusion of defeat.

Whichever side we chooses, never succumb to the much weighted one or the contrary, and it’s no discrimination to judge someone that we love,

Whether they suit our effort to be owned, or just being a nephilim of soothing effect to replenish our empty vessel of emotional requirement.

Self-Confidence,

An inner trait that would spark our splinter of success, or becoming the ultimate stepping stone towards our downfall?

Many would seems to have it, but not everyone are utilizing it to the fullest,

Some may be filled with it that they’re mirrored as arrogant, but some may be lacking of it that the couldn’t even do anything without considering public opinion towards them,

Could someone who’s jam packed with confidence propel themselves forward significantly without slanting to the path of arrogance,

Or became the object that would endow their lives, amplify that very source of inner despair with assurance to be successful in everything that they would do?

Managing conflicting inner trait is a challenge, mirroring inner disaster is a success,

As whatever one accomplishes, the balance between the two may be the batter of absolute CORRECTION.

p/s: It’s been about 4 weeks already since I updated.  Maybe if I’m interested, I’ll make some updates in the nearest future, but I don’t feel like it anymore.  So far, it’s been a disaster to me.  With all the emotional constraints ongoing, I’ve decided that I maybe will give up on blogging as well.  Probably would update only once a month.  Already gave up on my previous Facebook account for fear of people’s stalking (my former crush, my housemates, and my course mates who seems negative about myself), I literally had gave up on everything.  I guess by this time, I won’t be able to repair my reputation anymore.  So be it.  I just want to complete my final year project to the fullest quality, complete my degree, continue my Masters, and obtain a good wife.  It’s something that I considered I must do and abandon everything that seems nonsense.  I don’t want to be a babysitter for some girl who feigns my attention, been a sucker to my housemates, and most importantly, I just want to be myself.  So Li Shengshun, I hope that would be able to mature well & face everything that’s been thrown to yourself.