It may be a little late for me to say that this is a 2011 ending conclusion entry. But, these 9-days straight I've been reading, typing coding like berserk. I'm late 3 days perhaps. It's ok probably. Our battle starts this week: tomorrow for me. Feels like studying a lot, but forgets it a day after. Hope I'll be able to refresh it soon...
This time, I'm sharing some of my personal thoughts that had concluded with the year 2-0-1-1. A LOT had been endured these year alone. From the semester 2, the 4 months hiatus, and to this semester. All together, this half-year period may be the most challenging so far. Everything that I expected to happen, planned in advance had collapsed right forward of my views. For example, my "peeps", brethren, and my buddies. Our bonding had gone exactly opposite to what I'd contemplated. The well=worse, and the worse=>worse. It's already being perceived perhaps. My life had never gone smooth as hair gel, airplane "aerodynamic principle". In fact, everything had gone haywire. I expected that I would found a soul mate to share my feelings to, but everything shatters in just a few shocking encounters. Like the case with B** W** ****. And, the worse of all, I've constantly being back stabbed, ignored, and pushed around similar to a ragdoll. In assignments, my social lives, I've constantly being looked down upon. Even the most slightly details had been viewed as a piece of dust, swirling around and constantly being shunned. I mean, my existence is NOT that pathetic. I've defended my family, they're still sticking to the norms, try to be a saint to my peeps, but they mistook it as an opportunity to look down my timid nature.
The most shocking revelation that I've ever faced this year alone is: Amazon scenarios. You typically can't trust anyone, even including your own flesh and blood. Like what I aforementioned in my previous entries, I've borrowed my study loans to my family, they did pay it back, but not all of it. Making my head revolve about how to save with each coming day lurks closer by. Eat, drink, printing is no exception. My new "nest", I've been stranded here like a pickle in a jar. The upper and lower house is like Afghanistan & Pakistan. I mean it. No ha ha this time. No bonds are forged as I live here. But I learn to understand people's deepest intuition. People can't fool me with smiley face anymore. Citing a true account, a recent outing with my room mate during this study week had revealed a lot of views regarding ourselves. I'm really disappointed that someone would go as far as to referring to a translator service to decipher my "astounding" verbal capabilities. I mean, I've heard my course mate did it before, but it's just for fun. This time, it's a serious matter. My particular messages is pry open, then decoded. Then, people started to talk about this, that. I mean, what that I expressed in here is from a sincere feeling, not badmouthing people. I didn't establish these diary to impress people, opening up about my personal life, but it's a sharing of my personal opinions regarding the everyday life of me that people never think of.
Don't even talk about the attitudes of people towards me. I'm glad that some of the UPSI "citizens" started to appreciate my intellects. For instance: my minor History class. We as minor takers had constantly being looked down upon by the juniors who thought that their presence in this institution means that they had reached the peak of summit. Then, I managed to disregard these perceptions by speaking directly, unprepared, full English, during a presentation. They like, shocked a lot. I mean, a lot. First, it's my dual status. Then, it's my fluency. Come on, it's not THAT GOOD, it's average. But, as I've seen myself how the so-called prime of these language, the TESL-ians communicate during their presentation, I'm may had a straight edge over them, haha. It's my fault that I get distracted by my "dad's" scoldings during my MUET exam's morning that I scored an average band 4, 216 marks, 4 marks close to band 5. My sis gets band 5, also 4 marks close to band 6. So sui lor. The same goes to my other educational course class. When I started to deliver, BAM!!! They stared at me in awe I tell you. Even the TESL-ians there do. So, that's the only particular stuff that makes me feel highly among those people that called themselves "primes" and being comfortable in their current situations. Not only this course, but the other linguistics also. Lazy to mention it further, as it may be misinterpreted as cocky. They're the most arrogant snubs of this institution. Proud to be an IT-ian. It involves a LOT of brain activity, not like by the perceptions that this course only involves designing web pages, open/close PC, technicians and stuff. They use 1 brain side, and they call that difficult. Hello, we use x2. Go figure, hehe.
As for my feelings, I may be able to proudly declare myself to undergo a current metamorphosis; the type that does not come out beautifully, but is better than my previous embarrassing situation. I've developed feelings for a Kenyah girl just a few blocks away from my "nest" (thanks to my exhausted self, I blurted it out during a Q&A session of my English improvement lecture), a few steamy Chinese gals, and a particular stunning Malay lass from my faculty. But, I discovered that these are just a self-defense mechanism by my noggin' that protects me from the further harm of my rejected social life. I didn't actually LOVE them, just want to stare at them to soothe my feelings and so that I could be drowsed in imagination. 1 of them resembles my mom, haha. Maybe, it's just some stupid puppy crush. I've really evolved to not follow people blindly, as what my 20 years of living did. My personal feelings matured, but not to the extent that I could divide it into 2 and still be good with my well-being. Maybe I'll go further next semester. We'll see. I'll put a barrier around myself that's so concrete, that it'll construct another one of my self-identity: the one that won't allow myself to be trampled so easily. So, go s**t with those that bullied me before (including my peeps. In case the word "peeps" is blurred with convulsion, the meaning is "my closest friends").
So, what could come this year? More financial burdens, friend rejections, trampling of my self-emotions, or love budding, academic improvement, and financial fluctuation? Nobody knows the definite answer. But, one thing is for sure. After this experience, I've begin to develop the feelings that may be able to sustain my self-existence within this community that's so filth, dual identity, and self-obsession. Maybe I'd mentioned too much of my dissatisfaction in this entry, it should be ignored much. With a new year, a new hope is grounded.
| (@)
| ************* |
| **************** |
| ******************** |
| <-----Happy New Year------> |
| *****May it be a grand one***** |
| ++++++++Not a depressing slug+++++++ |
| =======Bring excitement to hearts======== |
| ^^^^^^^^Redemption of our self-fulfillment^^^^^^^ |
| #######Happy, lucky, not icky, contemplating, desire-achievement####### |
| \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\Faith, belief, will, self-improvement all be packed in one///////////// |
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||/////////////
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<------******With this, I conclude the entries for 2011.******------>
"don't compare your progress with that of others. we all need our own time to travel our own distance."
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Tuesday, January 3, 2012
<------My 2011 Conclusion: A Review------>
It may be a little late for me to say that this is a 2011 ending conclusion entry. But, these 9-days straight I've been reading, typing coding like berserk. I'm late 3 days perhaps. It's ok probably. Our battle starts this week: tomorrow for me. Feels like studying a lot, but forgets it a day after. Hope I'll be able to refresh it soon...
This time, I'm sharing some of my personal thoughts that had concluded with the year 2-0-1-1. A LOT had been endured these year alone. From the semester 2, the 4 months hiatus, and to this semester. All together, this half-year period may be the most challenging so far. Everything that I expected to happen, planned in advance had collapsed right forward of my views. For example, my "peeps", brethren, and my buddies. Our bonding had gone exactly opposite to what I'd contemplated. The well=worse, and the worse=>worse. It's already being perceived perhaps. My life had never gone smooth as hair gel, airplane "aerodynamic principle". In fact, everything had gone haywire. I expected that I would found a soul mate to share my feelings to, but everything shatters in just a few shocking encounters. Like the case with B** W** ****. And, the worse of all, I've constantly being back stabbed, ignored, and pushed around similar to a ragdoll. In assignments, my social lives, I've constantly being looked down upon. Even the most slightly details had been viewed as a piece of dust, swirling around and constantly being shunned. I mean, my existence is NOT that pathetic. I've defended my family, they're still sticking to the norms, try to be a saint to my peeps, but they mistook it as an opportunity to look down my timid nature.
The most shocking revelation that I've ever faced this year alone is: Amazon scenarios. You typically can't trust anyone, even including your own flesh and blood. Like what I aforementioned in my previous entries, I've borrowed my study loans to my family, they did pay it back, but not all of it. Making my head revolve about how to save with each coming day lurks closer by. Eat, drink, printing is no exception. My new "nest", I've been stranded here like a pickle in a jar. The upper and lower house is like Afghanistan & Pakistan. I mean it. No ha ha this time. No bonds are forged as I live here. But I learn to understand people's deepest intuition. People can't fool me with smiley face anymore. Citing a true account, a recent outing with my room mate during this study week had revealed a lot of views regarding ourselves. I'm really disappointed that someone would go as far as to referring to a translator service to decipher my "astounding" verbal capabilities. I mean, I've heard my course mate did it before, but it's just for fun. This time, it's a serious matter. My particular messages is pry open, then decoded. Then, people started to talk about this, that. I mean, what that I expressed in here is from a sincere feeling, not badmouthing people. I didn't establish these diary to impress people, opening up about my personal life, but it's a sharing of my personal opinions regarding the everyday life of me that people never think of.
Don't even talk about the attitudes of people towards me. I'm glad that some of the UPSI "citizens" started to appreciate my intellects. For instance: my minor History class. We as minor takers had constantly being looked down upon by the juniors who thought that their presence in this institution means that they had reached the peak of summit. Then, I managed to disregard these perceptions by speaking directly, unprepared, full English, during a presentation. They like, shocked a lot. I mean, a lot. First, it's my dual status. Then, it's my fluency. Come on, it's not THAT GOOD, it's average. But, as I've seen myself how the so-called prime of these language, the TESL-ians communicate during their presentation, I'm may had a straight edge over them, haha. It's my fault that I get distracted by my "dad's" scoldings during my MUET exam's morning that I scored an average band 4, 216 marks, 4 marks close to band 5. My sis gets band 5, also 4 marks close to band 6. So sui lor. The same goes to my other educational course class. When I started to deliver, BAM!!! They stared at me in awe I tell you. Even the TESL-ians there do. So, that's the only particular stuff that makes me feel highly among those people that called themselves "primes" and being comfortable in their current situations. Not only this course, but the other linguistics also. Lazy to mention it further, as it may be misinterpreted as cocky. They're the most arrogant snubs of this institution. Proud to be an IT-ian. It involves a LOT of brain activity, not like by the perceptions that this course only involves designing web pages, open/close PC, technicians and stuff. They use 1 brain side, and they call that difficult. Hello, we use x2. Go figure, hehe.
As for my feelings, I may be able to proudly declare myself to undergo a current metamorphosis; the type that does not come out beautifully, but is better than my previous embarrassing situation. I've developed feelings for a Kenyah girl just a few blocks away from my "nest" (thanks to my exhausted self, I blurted it out during a Q&A session of my English improvement lecture), a few steamy Chinese gals, and a particular stunning Malay lass from my faculty. But, I discovered that these are just a self-defense mechanism by my noggin' that protects me from the further harm of my rejected social life. I didn't actually LOVE them, just want to stare at them to soothe my feelings and so that I could be drowsed in imagination. 1 of them resembles my mom, haha. Maybe, it's just some stupid puppy crush. I've really evolved to not follow people blindly, as what my 20 years of living did. My personal feelings matured, but not to the extent that I could divide it into 2 and still be good with my well-being. Maybe I'll go further next semester. We'll see. I'll put a barrier around myself that's so concrete, that it'll construct another one of my self-identity: the one that won't allow myself to be trampled so easily. So, go s**t with those that bullied me before (including my peeps. In case the word "peeps" is blurred with convulsion, the meaning is "my closest friends").
So, what could come this year? More financial burdens, friend rejections, trampling of my self-emotions, or love budding, academic improvement, and financial fluctuation? Nobody knows the definite answer. But, one thing is for sure. After this experience, I've begin to develop the feelings that may be able to sustain my self-existence within this community that's so filth, dual identity, and self-obsession. Maybe I'd mentioned too much of my dissatisfaction in this entry, it should be ignored much. With a new year, a new hope is grounded.
| (@)
| ************* |
| **************** |
| ******************** |
| <-----Happy New Year------> |
| *****May it be a grand one***** |
| ++++++++Not a depressing slug+++++++ |
| =======Bring excitement to hearts======== |
| ^^^^^^^^Redemption of our self-fulfillment^^^^^^^ |
| #######Happy, lucky, not icky, contemplating, desire-achievement####### |
| \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\Faith, belief, will, self-improvement all be packed in one///////////// |
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||/////////////
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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<------******With this, I conclude the entries for 2011.******------>
This time, I'm sharing some of my personal thoughts that had concluded with the year 2-0-1-1. A LOT had been endured these year alone. From the semester 2, the 4 months hiatus, and to this semester. All together, this half-year period may be the most challenging so far. Everything that I expected to happen, planned in advance had collapsed right forward of my views. For example, my "peeps", brethren, and my buddies. Our bonding had gone exactly opposite to what I'd contemplated. The well=worse, and the worse=>worse. It's already being perceived perhaps. My life had never gone smooth as hair gel, airplane "aerodynamic principle". In fact, everything had gone haywire. I expected that I would found a soul mate to share my feelings to, but everything shatters in just a few shocking encounters. Like the case with B** W** ****. And, the worse of all, I've constantly being back stabbed, ignored, and pushed around similar to a ragdoll. In assignments, my social lives, I've constantly being looked down upon. Even the most slightly details had been viewed as a piece of dust, swirling around and constantly being shunned. I mean, my existence is NOT that pathetic. I've defended my family, they're still sticking to the norms, try to be a saint to my peeps, but they mistook it as an opportunity to look down my timid nature.
The most shocking revelation that I've ever faced this year alone is: Amazon scenarios. You typically can't trust anyone, even including your own flesh and blood. Like what I aforementioned in my previous entries, I've borrowed my study loans to my family, they did pay it back, but not all of it. Making my head revolve about how to save with each coming day lurks closer by. Eat, drink, printing is no exception. My new "nest", I've been stranded here like a pickle in a jar. The upper and lower house is like Afghanistan & Pakistan. I mean it. No ha ha this time. No bonds are forged as I live here. But I learn to understand people's deepest intuition. People can't fool me with smiley face anymore. Citing a true account, a recent outing with my room mate during this study week had revealed a lot of views regarding ourselves. I'm really disappointed that someone would go as far as to referring to a translator service to decipher my "astounding" verbal capabilities. I mean, I've heard my course mate did it before, but it's just for fun. This time, it's a serious matter. My particular messages is pry open, then decoded. Then, people started to talk about this, that. I mean, what that I expressed in here is from a sincere feeling, not badmouthing people. I didn't establish these diary to impress people, opening up about my personal life, but it's a sharing of my personal opinions regarding the everyday life of me that people never think of.
Don't even talk about the attitudes of people towards me. I'm glad that some of the UPSI "citizens" started to appreciate my intellects. For instance: my minor History class. We as minor takers had constantly being looked down upon by the juniors who thought that their presence in this institution means that they had reached the peak of summit. Then, I managed to disregard these perceptions by speaking directly, unprepared, full English, during a presentation. They like, shocked a lot. I mean, a lot. First, it's my dual status. Then, it's my fluency. Come on, it's not THAT GOOD, it's average. But, as I've seen myself how the so-called prime of these language, the TESL-ians communicate during their presentation, I'm may had a straight edge over them, haha. It's my fault that I get distracted by my "dad's" scoldings during my MUET exam's morning that I scored an average band 4, 216 marks, 4 marks close to band 5. My sis gets band 5, also 4 marks close to band 6. So sui lor. The same goes to my other educational course class. When I started to deliver, BAM!!! They stared at me in awe I tell you. Even the TESL-ians there do. So, that's the only particular stuff that makes me feel highly among those people that called themselves "primes" and being comfortable in their current situations. Not only this course, but the other linguistics also. Lazy to mention it further, as it may be misinterpreted as cocky. They're the most arrogant snubs of this institution. Proud to be an IT-ian. It involves a LOT of brain activity, not like by the perceptions that this course only involves designing web pages, open/close PC, technicians and stuff. They use 1 brain side, and they call that difficult. Hello, we use x2. Go figure, hehe.
As for my feelings, I may be able to proudly declare myself to undergo a current metamorphosis; the type that does not come out beautifully, but is better than my previous embarrassing situation. I've developed feelings for a Kenyah girl just a few blocks away from my "nest" (thanks to my exhausted self, I blurted it out during a Q&A session of my English improvement lecture), a few steamy Chinese gals, and a particular stunning Malay lass from my faculty. But, I discovered that these are just a self-defense mechanism by my noggin' that protects me from the further harm of my rejected social life. I didn't actually LOVE them, just want to stare at them to soothe my feelings and so that I could be drowsed in imagination. 1 of them resembles my mom, haha. Maybe, it's just some stupid puppy crush. I've really evolved to not follow people blindly, as what my 20 years of living did. My personal feelings matured, but not to the extent that I could divide it into 2 and still be good with my well-being. Maybe I'll go further next semester. We'll see. I'll put a barrier around myself that's so concrete, that it'll construct another one of my self-identity: the one that won't allow myself to be trampled so easily. So, go s**t with those that bullied me before (including my peeps. In case the word "peeps" is blurred with convulsion, the meaning is "my closest friends").
So, what could come this year? More financial burdens, friend rejections, trampling of my self-emotions, or love budding, academic improvement, and financial fluctuation? Nobody knows the definite answer. But, one thing is for sure. After this experience, I've begin to develop the feelings that may be able to sustain my self-existence within this community that's so filth, dual identity, and self-obsession. Maybe I'd mentioned too much of my dissatisfaction in this entry, it should be ignored much. With a new year, a new hope is grounded.
| (@)
| ************* |
| **************** |
| ******************** |
| <-----Happy New Year------> |
| *****May it be a grand one***** |
| ++++++++Not a depressing slug+++++++ |
| =======Bring excitement to hearts======== |
| ^^^^^^^^Redemption of our self-fulfillment^^^^^^^ |
| #######Happy, lucky, not icky, contemplating, desire-achievement####### |
| \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\Faith, belief, will, self-improvement all be packed in one///////////// |
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||/////////////
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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<------******With this, I conclude the entries for 2011.******------>
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