New Resolution for 2-0-1-5. Side Story: My Life as a Part-Time Programmer a.k.a. Research Assistant

It’s 21^st of January 2015.  I’ve been a research assistant for 3 months, also becoming a Master degree student next month, February the 17^th.  Returning to the root of my university, serving my lecturer a.k.a. deputy dean as a part-time programmer.  I remember the night when I returned after convocation, when she messaged to inform me of the matter.  My mom shrugged with disbelief that I’ve recalled to serve my lecturer.  At the beginning, my course is noble: to assist her to complete a student’s leftover Master degree project.  After 3 months developing a management information system for her, slowly I noticed how a “pass-over” degree student could be ostracized in his own university.  Everything seems new, but it’s not.  Realize that the part-time job bounded my life when I had to come to a quiet lecturers’ office on every weekends just for the sake of researching jQuery & Javascript.  “Deadline, deadline!!!”  It made me rethink of the values of us freelance workers.  Dang, even the salary always came in 1 month late.  But it’s what ended my 2014.  A lot of story waits to be told, but I felt like synthesizing it rather than blabbering sluggishly to my own proportion.

Nice guy.  What is defined by it?  A person who compromises on others’ behalf? Sacrifice for the sake of good in others?  Willing to do things considered only made others’ and their own subconscious feeling well?  Could I be considered as a good guy in all my life, or had I just live for the sake of others?  2015 had already attended exactly 21 days ago.  It’s hard to believe what I undergo in 2-0-1-4 alone.  Graduation, emotional strains, shreds of happiness, or even lying in a somber mood.  I felt that it’s still not too late for me to relay all of the ongoing occurred in the 300000000 seconds that’s called 2014.  Actually, I’m sharing what I’ve mutually understood, what I’ve learnt as a contemporary human being.

Also in this year, I’ve reached the age of 24.  It’s my final year in university as an IT student.  The first half of the year is typically an emotional turmoil for me.  Those months that passed, became my initial training as a programmer.  Getting used to the new programming languages, things that I’ve never learn before.  Only exposed to fundamentals of programming languages such as HTML, PHP, and chunks of Javascript, I’ve “gladly” grasped the base of Java for the sake of my final year project.  It’s not because of the language that I learnt may had probably placed myself in a bit of advantageous position over others, however it’s from the nurturing of how to live my life as a university student, performing self research on topics that prior I expect I would’ve never achieved.  Should I maintain my mindset like others, comfort in a region for themselves I would’ve never understood how a programmer’s mind revolves.  All the logical reasoning, I can’t believe that I’ve practiced them in my actual life.  I used to be a person that’s hypersensitive with other’s actions.  However something made me ignore the irrationality performed by mere individuals and decipher matter in a perspective more objective & precise.  I didn’t get to be easily offended by people discriminating me as a mix blood anymore.  Yeah, I can speak 8 languages.  I never ostracize myself anymore, compared to before.  It’s like I’ve stepped into a new boundary.  People who’re close to me would’ve noticed.

People.  Aah.  I always thought that the breeds I met getting better over time.  With the growing nature of human being, we would learn to perceive an action’s rationality over its’ irregularities.  Man, I’m still wrong in that aspect.  My living environment: university community.  This early 2015 alone I witness so many discrepancies.  New students appear cockier than ever, slacker, noise maker.  The best place to witness people’s behaviour is probably on a bus stop.  Would people allow you to cramp down with them should it rains, or just allow you to be drenched with drizzles from above.   

That’s an example of human compassion, where I saw majority of them lacking.  There’s been various things that I’m fond of, be there’s that I’m against.  Best friends, you learn who they really are when they miss you even if you lose sight with them for 48 hours.  So-so friends, you encounter them in 2 weeks & they would’ve reminiscing about your absence from their daily norm.  Accomplices, you know them.  That’s it.  No bonds forged whatsoever, probably acknowledgement of particular traits that distinguishes you from their crowd.  I could probably judge what’s called friend now, after 6 years of social training.  I’ve lost bond with 2 of the girls, once being so close to my well being.  That quote is correct, “How do we become so distant with others, whilst being so close before?”  Rules apply.  Aah, I admit that I used to have ulterior motives towards them.  However, it got diminished as soon as it’s ignited.  Probably, the candle isn’t illuminating enough.  Now, I’ve totally lost contact with them.  Did I regret my decision? It’s for the sake of the masses.  Finally, I didn’t get comfortable with the individuals that I deemed precious to me.  Haha, life lessons learn, barely.  Eventually, all men would’ve learn the burden of being friend-zoned.  Trust me, it’s unpleasant.

Living as we are, sometimes we need to accept the rationalization of a particular matter.  It’s not because it flows with our norm, nor we reject its reasoning.  We could fall in love, & delve into a valley of choice.  Whether we’ll plunge into the streams of tranquility, or suffer to revise what we foolishly chosen based on our beliefs.  Either way, the road is rocky with both selections.  Friends, we could begin awkwardly from the starting point that we didn’t acknowledge each others' presence, until the extent that we could forge a relationship as close as siblings.  Nor the otherwise, where we started so intimately that we never loses tail of one another, until the extent where we never contact each other for 6 months and still feel ok without the opposite’s interaction in life.  I mean, that’s what made life interesting.  

The strings of event could unfold according to how well we accept something that occurs in the cycle of reasoning that revolves physically or mentally.  It’s almost impossible if the wheel turns upwards all the time, whilst the bottom remained intact to the ground.  The wheel wouldn’t have possibly moved.  From all the strings of account, like where the girl that I’ve crush on been pregnant with another person, tangled in a conflict of nothing with my sole “girl-friend”, there’s a lot going on inside that made me mature as a person.  I didn’t just learn to be “nice” in others’ perspective, however remained on the logical side of interpreting a matter globally.  Pros & cons included.  You rip a paper, tape it and it became square again.  You could rip the edges that’s didn’t been taped before, the paper returns to its rigid state.  But it’s never reverting back to its original state anymore.  It became tougher than before, but it’s just not the same.

 

I graduated in 2014.  Working part-time, & will try to obtain my Masters in Internet Computing in a few years time.  Possibly, try to reach a pinnacle of relationship that I’ve tried so hard to comprehend.  Don’t allow yourself to be manipulated, stimulated, or even regulated (I pun on words in my head, haha).  Maybe I’m growing too old inside.  Well, who knows.  Deep in my mind, I really pray that 2015 would become a stepping stone to achieve my dreams.  Working, still sniffing the air of Tanjung Malim, reviewing all others’ actions to endow it into my psychological chapter of human growth.  Who knows, something good might come out of it.  Be an awesome programmer, dude.  Come out of the shell.

 

Judgement could be detrimental.  Relieve any ill feelings that may treat you exponential.  Treat your own life with full confidential.  Believe anything that’s possible with full integrity.  Lastly, concur to judgments that may guide ourselves towards comprehending and perceiving a reality worth taken. – Black Contractor [2015-01-21]