Lonely Life...From My Point of View, Personal Experience

Count: how often do we got occupied, preoccupied, or just plain a loner.....

You walked on the streets, where you realized that nobody's on your left or right.

Strutting yourself on, you carried on the suddenly heavy footsteps with loneliness in mind.

Gazing elsewhere, you noticed that you're feeling more happy with the absence of people.

As their excuses seems putrid, glances seems rigid, exchanges seems artificial.

Counting every stones on the pavement, like each one signifies an action occurred in your life.

Happiness, sorrow, misery, loneliness, all made up the stones shape whether it's big or small.

You noticed that you'll smile genuinely where nobody's present, without human complications in mind.

You prefer to listen to sad melodies like it's a rotor jumpstart to your soul, rather than contemporary pop that seems like the popular genre of the bunch.

Might be time to lose touch with humanity, just let it go & walk away.

As single means motionless, double seems like being cornered, triple means confrontations ahead.

Among hundreds of thousands of people that you knew in your life, how many of it really means in your life?

That you would remember as a good memory to be reminded over, rather than a bad memory that should be kept hidden.

How many people actually make up courtesy in your life, remembered you in actions that they would perform beforehand.

Or the multiplication of the courtesy you poured for people is obnoxious, that people seems to take you for granted.

Strands of memory being kept aside, you decided that reclusion is the better option.

Rather than being continuously scarred by human relation, you choose to hide from the community.

Or shed shell like a terrapin, retracting whilst not needed, contracting should desired.

Life's a hunch you'll say, as you're motivated to accomplish anything on your own.

The strive to succeed might be better than those hanging out in bunches, or so it seems.

Be it living in low profile, but doing better than those who stood out in crowd.

So you decide, alone is the answer to everything.

One day perhaps, your voice would be heard by another soul.

Who would also be a loner, however they are your loner.

There when both of you become hoodlums of each other; it's solitude.

How often did we have time to look back on our lives, remembering moments meaningful or otherwise?

Take some time, sit in the darkness of night.  Look into the gleaming skies, empty as our soul is.  Empty the mind, reconcile every mess up thoughts popping into it.  Then we'll be able to think properly.

Convocation...How Did I See It

       Exactly 3 days ago, I had my first convocation (& hope it won't be the last).  A lot of stuff that I had undergo during the period of 4 years I'm studying for my Information Technology degree.  However, it was summarized in only a day.  As I left the hall, I encounter 4 types of people: people who grinned at me to the extent their lips curved abnormally (a super smiley), people who looked away as I offered my hand to congratulate them, people who stays to spent their probably last memory by taking candid pictures, & people who walked away immediately as if they're avoiding our presence.  I must say, university played an important role as the "School of Life" for dudes like me.  I became "someone-in-IT-world" rather than some guy who only knows the fundamentals of using computers.  I learn the value of betrayal by people closest to us.  How to compete beyond our own capabilities.  How to fall in love.  How to remain ambiguous even by the continuous onslaught of people i call "social idiosyncratic".  Although I attend my convocation ceremony without any relatives, it shatters the foundation of my rigid heart and rebuild it stronger. 

Yours truly, at the left. :-)

      During these period, I manage to saw the portrayal of emotions by my university brethren.  How did people who being in luck always strive better.  I decided, it's time that I finally retreat into the shadows and re-phasing my upcoming life.  Well, I just got offered as a legit research assistant to 1 of my lecturers (quite a high position as well).  That means, I may become an actual programmer for the next year.  So as they say, forget about the past pains & strive to crawl forward.  No more time to being overkill in the love department.  When I think of it, how I rose from being an abused victim 10 years ago until what I currently achieve is a spectacular story that I had already put into novel composing.  Until the point that I stopped writing, I had reached 120 pages.  If I'm eligible as a writer, perhaps it's going into publication.  Time to focus on how I could further my studies in the fields I had passion on, & how to furbish my mom's life.  People doesn't realize my hidden painful journey, but I'm glad that I managed to complete it.  Phase 1 is complete.  Now, to proceed further.

"I think the only time people really have value is when they act according to their own will. " - Makishima Shogo, PSYCHO-PASS episode 20