a Symmetry: Ling Tosite Sigure (A Rock Tune with a Vibe)

A Symmetry <Ling Tosite Sigure>
English Translation

Because even now in this moment I want to catch
In the past I said that if only I strangled 'ex,'
What time would I long for? Because someday I'll rot away
Which do I want to embrace in the end? A Telecaster and Les Paul

There's neither anything to break now, but there's nobody here anymore
Nor is there anything to return to now, because there's nobody here anymore 

It's again recollection's fault that everything is being reversed
It's the fault of a broken, sleepless night that everything is being reversed
What do you want, the figure you lost?

Returning to a world turned upside down, what do you want?
Longing for a world turned upside down, though there's still nobody there

In the city where time disappeared, somebody reverses through cosmetic surgery
How can this be, it's begun to fall down
Unfulfilled

There's nothing to return to now, because nobody's here anymore

It's again recollection's fault that you want something 
You turned your back to everyone

There's nothing you want to kill now
Now in this moment you come to hate everyone, looking up to a world turned upside down
Everything you're sick of becomes sloppy, before long you'll come to want
Turn off the light, cover your ears, turn off the light so you can't be found
Since there's nothing to be violated now, nothing to be broken now, nothing you want to kill now
Shine the light

Even though there's still nobody here.

P/S: Believe it or not, the lyrics picture a broken relationship quite well indeed.

Shinkiro [Mirage]

Shinkirou [TK from Ling Tosite Sigure feat Chara]
Taken from Fantastic Magic (2014)

I gazed into an un-killable dream...
I'd kept stuffed in my pocket.
The sound of the rain brought it back to life, the emptiness left after that wound, grey.

Showing signs of escapism...
Showing signs of escapism...
Showing signs of escapism...
Showing signs of escapism...
Run, run, run, and try making contact.

Reflected in the words and sounds is what my monstrous self has lost;
The things I left behind inside you: words, heart, and solitude..
All as a melody.

A vague memory bursts, but no matter if this solitude is fulfilled, or led astray, by brushing with love.
We were seeing the same dream.

Imprinted on the film I lost was a linked illusion..two shadows.
 
Showing signs of escapism...
Showing signs of escapism...
Showing signs of escapism...
Showing signs of escapism...
Run, run, run, and try making contact.

I don't want to forget...but is my voice reaching you?
Listen to my music slowly...and feel the echo, echo, echo, echo...

Don't let go of my hand, and I'll show you.
An eternity that rattles your eardrum..will never betray you.

I can't see what's really important, / listen to my music..listen to my music..
Doubting even what I've obtained... / listen to my music..listen to my music..
We were seeing the same dream.

Piercing, piercing, piercing...
Though I can see the things that are fading away / I can't see the light before my very eyes.



p/s: my favourite indie J-rocker so far.. the lyrics are so meaningful.  didn't mind typing all the translations again.

Dragonflies...A Tough Coot of Nature

Dragonfly.

Among invertebrates struggling in living.

Born from a lump of organism.

Based from mere nymphs, originating from marshes.

Evolved as crawling of time progressed.

Emerging as larvae, budding as minor predators.

Patiently waiting for its mature components to grow.

Wings to spread through the air, compound eyes to see through its environment.

Tail tips to detect air vibrations, elongated body as rigid structure against the harsh.

Hind wing for navigating; fore wing follows as it propagating.

As it grows, the dragonfly goes in search of its life objectives.

Overgrow its species, surviving through trials & tribulations of nature given.

Morning envelops the skies with vibrant blue blankets, still it goes through with living.

Enduring through brief wind as it's typhoon, blazing through air although it's raining and humid.

Sun flares through its wet wings, wind vacuums through its humid fragments of wing.

Despite these, it struggles with couraged through the air against harsh wind tenures.

The cycle continues, its life unfolds.

Until eventually its body gives in, it dies maturely with the given time by Mother Nature.

P/S: Sometimes, the nature taught us a lot about struggles in life.

Lonely Life...From My Point of View, Personal Experience

Count: how often do we got occupied, preoccupied, or just plain a loner.....

You walked on the streets, where you realized that nobody's on your left or right.

Strutting yourself on, you carried on the suddenly heavy footsteps with loneliness in mind.

Gazing elsewhere, you noticed that you're feeling more happy with the absence of people.

As their excuses seems putrid, glances seems rigid, exchanges seems artificial.

Counting every stones on the pavement, like each one signifies an action occurred in your life.

Happiness, sorrow, misery, loneliness, all made up the stones shape whether it's big or small.

You noticed that you'll smile genuinely where nobody's present, without human complications in mind.

You prefer to listen to sad melodies like it's a rotor jumpstart to your soul, rather than contemporary pop that seems like the popular genre of the bunch.

Might be time to lose touch with humanity, just let it go & walk away.

As single means motionless, double seems like being cornered, triple means confrontations ahead.

Among hundreds of thousands of people that you knew in your life, how many of it really means in your life?

That you would remember as a good memory to be reminded over, rather than a bad memory that should be kept hidden.

How many people actually make up courtesy in your life, remembered you in actions that they would perform beforehand.

Or the multiplication of the courtesy you poured for people is obnoxious, that people seems to take you for granted.

Strands of memory being kept aside, you decided that reclusion is the better option.

Rather than being continuously scarred by human relation, you choose to hide from the community.

Or shed shell like a terrapin, retracting whilst not needed, contracting should desired.

Life's a hunch you'll say, as you're motivated to accomplish anything on your own.

The strive to succeed might be better than those hanging out in bunches, or so it seems.

Be it living in low profile, but doing better than those who stood out in crowd.

So you decide, alone is the answer to everything.

One day perhaps, your voice would be heard by another soul.

Who would also be a loner, however they are your loner.

There when both of you become hoodlums of each other; it's solitude.

How often did we have time to look back on our lives, remembering moments meaningful or otherwise?

Take some time, sit in the darkness of night.  Look into the gleaming skies, empty as our soul is.  Empty the mind, reconcile every mess up thoughts popping into it.  Then we'll be able to think properly.

Convocation...How Did I See It

       Exactly 3 days ago, I had my first convocation (& hope it won't be the last).  A lot of stuff that I had undergo during the period of 4 years I'm studying for my Information Technology degree.  However, it was summarized in only a day.  As I left the hall, I encounter 4 types of people: people who grinned at me to the extent their lips curved abnormally (a super smiley), people who looked away as I offered my hand to congratulate them, people who stays to spent their probably last memory by taking candid pictures, & people who walked away immediately as if they're avoiding our presence.  I must say, university played an important role as the "School of Life" for dudes like me.  I became "someone-in-IT-world" rather than some guy who only knows the fundamentals of using computers.  I learn the value of betrayal by people closest to us.  How to compete beyond our own capabilities.  How to fall in love.  How to remain ambiguous even by the continuous onslaught of people i call "social idiosyncratic".  Although I attend my convocation ceremony without any relatives, it shatters the foundation of my rigid heart and rebuild it stronger. 

Yours truly, at the left. :-)

      During these period, I manage to saw the portrayal of emotions by my university brethren.  How did people who being in luck always strive better.  I decided, it's time that I finally retreat into the shadows and re-phasing my upcoming life.  Well, I just got offered as a legit research assistant to 1 of my lecturers (quite a high position as well).  That means, I may become an actual programmer for the next year.  So as they say, forget about the past pains & strive to crawl forward.  No more time to being overkill in the love department.  When I think of it, how I rose from being an abused victim 10 years ago until what I currently achieve is a spectacular story that I had already put into novel composing.  Until the point that I stopped writing, I had reached 120 pages.  If I'm eligible as a writer, perhaps it's going into publication.  Time to focus on how I could further my studies in the fields I had passion on, & how to furbish my mom's life.  People doesn't realize my hidden painful journey, but I'm glad that I managed to complete it.  Phase 1 is complete.  Now, to proceed further.

"I think the only time people really have value is when they act according to their own will. " - Makishima Shogo, PSYCHO-PASS episode 20

Master Degree...A FYP Story of My Own

The guy in the middle is my senior, while the one hiding is yours truly. :)

Just tonight earlier, I was chatting with 1 of my seniors.  He’s taking Computer-Aided Design, graduated 1 year prior.  What he told me, made me reminisce about what I’ve gone through during my final semester in university as a degree student.  I’m majoring in Information Technology.  1 month earlier, I just finished studies.  I even took a professional course in web development, Adobe CS6 Dreamweaver where I thought is essential before entering the world of occupation.  My senior is currently a tutor in my university with Diploma student.   He told me, how the experience of being a research assistant turned out to be a hectic life with no personal commitment accomplished.  It reminded me of how my course mate act during the days of deadline before we got our final year project exhibited to the crowd.  It was funny, but sort of reflective of what a normal university student would do.  It also became a determining factor for me, whether to further my studies or not.  Time to reminisce about a chapter in my life.

Beginning on February 2014, our final semester begun.  Usual preparations as well, where we enrolled with our courses & stuff, meeting supervisors on our progress.  I was doing a project based on Eclipse environment, Android application development.  There’s no guidance here, all hands on with own effort.  The hectic life begin for me.  As early as the 1^st week, I begin to spent my entire afternoon in library, alone researching about Java.  Even though I did quite a lot self study, this I could say useless in helping me program my application.  Eventually I relied on some source online, where I tried coding everywhere, compatible to be compiled with my application.  It’s where I learn XML & JAVA.  One of my friend, he chose the similar project scope with me using Java.  We both are the only ones programming our application entirely using pure Java, using the actual internal development environment.  This made us quite proud with our accomplishment indeed.  However, that’s not the highlight of my story.  From the remaining 146 course mates of mine each of them chosen other scopes, such as Python or to the simplest of HTML.  I became a guiding & motivating factor for my pal to carry on with our project that seems hopeless without any guarantee to finish & assistance from lecturers.  However, we never gave up until the final moments before exhibition.

During the final 2 weeks before exhibition, the very library that became my “second home” began to be crowded with the shadows of my course mates.  Wow, I was glad that during the less peak hours of 7.30 p.m., there’s existence of familiar aura around.  Lessen my heart from worrying about the rumor about our haunted library.  Pun intended.  However, this pleasing sight soon became a very sore for eyesight that I began to search for somewhere else to spent my 8 hours a day routine when there’s no lecture during the day.  The very attitude that colours my course mates’ attentiveness toward programming.  Discrepancies exist, where they pay each other to finish their project.  Some of them who referred to me, confessed that they’ve never been clearly exposed towards of the world for HTML.  Some of them even took 1^st class.  So I started to wonder, how these people actually excelled?  Live a lie?  My social media feed began to be crowded with selfies of them doing project, some with very irritating captions.  Imagine, the same routine they did for 2 weeks up until before the exhibition.  I wonder, if they’re placed in my situation of building Java apps that we never learnt before would they actually manage.  I’ve seen some of them as what I would describe as “remora fish with the shark” mutual relationship.  High score, but no foundation in programming.  They were even not motivated to use language other than their own as lecture medium.  These experiences that I see in people, became the true motivation for me to learn something that people perceive impossible to master.  I want to prove that with sheer willpower, we could accomplish anything.  It was my personal guideline up until today.

Sadly to say 1 day before the exhibition, I realized that my project won’t be able to be completed on time.  I gave up on the spot, right next to where people are setting up the booth & sort.  I wasn’t the first.  The friend that followed my footsteps, he told me prior that what we are trying to accomplish is rather murky by the time.  He had sort of a light argument with me, claiming that he’ll move platform to using drag-and-drop software instead.  I was sincerely heartbroken at that time, felt like if I didn’t shroud him with my confidence of completing our project he might’ve done better with ordinary systems development.  I continued to debug my application, knowing that all hope is gone.  The exhibition came.  I was judged by 2 strict lecturers, where I believe my attempt to show my incomplete app may have come to a disaster.  All of my other course mate who selected normal systems development had accomplished their task.  Even those that took the easy way out, had presented to the lecturer as if they’re the actual “brain & brawn” behind their project.   Actually I quite regret the selection that I made. 

The main interface of my app.  Only 1 month after the exhibition that I managed to debug it.  Luck waits for no man they said, haha.

If I didn’t choose that path, I might end up as a proud presenter just like what final year students should have experienced.  You know, those that like "I'm proud to tell my grandson" thingy.  Confidence flushed down the drain.  Even though I didn’t go through the normal HTML & PHP development like others, I had tutored 20 persons in accomplishing their project.  It made me a proud man inside.  Surprisingly, those that cheated their way to the top won the top prize.  Even my pal who moved from Eclipse to drag-and-drop environment won 2^nd place for his Android app.  He was absent to receive the prize, as he never expected he could win.  The uniqueness of our project might have lead to the winning.  I was his representative to receive the prize that people perceive I was the winner.  Left the hall with smiles, I broke down devastated that night.  I spent 9 hours every day studying Java, teaching others.  But that factor made me received appraisal from my closest pals, who saw my effort.  It became a bittersweet final year memory for me.  However, I was relieved that my failed effort didn’t diminish my trust in what I believe: never succumb to others' intuition, trust our own will.  Felt complete, that I manage to share my true account which is not in entirety but told with sincerity.

This is a life story that had mold a part of my life, beginning from the very foundation of IT programming that I’m fond with.  I learn how to bear pain of been betrayed by people that I love, envied by people who don’t understand our sorrowful life story, & how to work on ourselves using our own motivation to strive forward.  That experience also made me began to receive support secretly from a few of my lecturers, who praised me for my effort to laying out an impossible feat.  Even trustworthy support from the highest recognition of my faculty, my very own dean, made my friends awe.  It was a fact I never mention to anyone.  These life experiences made me learn a few melees to better equip myself of what to come in the future.  It also made me love programming, ready to further my studies in either the fields of Multimedia, Information Technology, or Internet Computing.  However, doubts exist.  The accountabilities for furthering my studies.  The credibility that I could placed in people should there’s some Master students who care more of selfie doing assignments than accomplishing everything well.  Discrepancies of the faces of people I’ll met during the unpredictable span of studies.  Financial aspect included during the time span involved.  Adaptability with a new layer of society different from what I experienced during degree years.  Heavy feeling of leaving Mom for another few years whilst busy doing my own thing.  So now, should I continue immediately?  Only God knows.  Thanks to those involved officially or behind the scenes during those moments of critical 11^th hour for our final year project exhibition.  A life experience to be etched firmly in mind.

Keep your dreams alive.  Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication.  Remember all things are possible for those who believe. " - Gail Devers

Happy 59th Birthday, Mom. :-)

After 4 a.m. she woke up every day, whether it's weekdays or the resting hours of weekends.

Tidy up her bed, then came over to my room.

Gave me a pat in the head or just a simple tug of my blanket, ensuring I had the warmest of nap.

Starting her work, where she did the same routine every day for almost 40 years.

Cleaning all shreds of dusts, imminent or those hard to wipe dirt.

Boiling water as maiden did during old days, maintaining well in the entire hygiene of the household.

Preparing to leave for her next destination, where she'll had to endure through another human environment.

Experienced as she is, she misses any opportunity of carrying an act of misconduct.

Always determined to accomplish her outspoken responsibility, educating the transition of generation of school youngsters.

Whether she's scolded by the incompetency of her IT knowledge, or being praised of her excellence in raising the school's bar of competitiveness.

She's always patient, never mumbled about her difficulties except towards her families.

Respected as an experienced primary school educators, where 30 years plus gone by with various harsh nature & sweet memories.

She oversaw the pattern of students mature, became excellent speakers in their native language & English that she hold in high regard.

Students grow as time passes, transition of new generation swift through the school compound.

Enduring through harsh schooling hours of 9 to 10 hours per day, where she returns home with a camouflage of her epic fatigue.

Didn't even care to take her lunch, she sprung into action to resolve home duties that she haven't done.

Before she eventually left again, becoming a tutor in another teaching institution far greater than none.

Where there she is highly respected for her capabilities, whilst at school she's shrugged for her left-out nature in field we call IT.

Patiently teaching the very same group of students that's weak in school, where their parents placed high expectation that their offspring would accomplish well under her nurturing.

Returning home again, busily carrying out the household chores that she's heavily obsessed with.

To the extent that she fell asleep on the chair, she went on unnoticingly nodding with the TV shows’ noise of cheers.

Undergoing the daunting process for 30 years, she suffers patiently without the support from her hubby.

Painful past marriage experiences she had, only sharing it with no one but herself.

Her arms show coarse nature as similar to a mere leather piece, white hair grow unnoticed on her chin.

As children, I watched how my mother grew old in pain while raising us.

Raising us to the extent of getting older rapidly than Mother Nature permitted, giving us motivation to strive further.

Although we couldn't get anything we want, we're grateful with what we contemplated.

As I vow to get the highest academic exclamations for Mom, so she would be glad with what we accomplished.

 p/s: without a photo, this poem I wrote for Mom is quite invalid I guess.  But still, happy birthday mom.  Always pray that you'll be well & live happily.

Life's most deep feelings are often expressed in silence and the one who can read volumes from your silence is your true companion. - Ritu Ghatourey Quotes

A Poem Written for the End of My Degree Life

The longer I strayed into the paths of life, the more I could see what is defined by it.
People, emotions, attitudes, all brings significance among each other’s existence.
Where I admit, myself included in interpreting people’s appearance just by observing through first impressions.
Mistakes unravel, friendships unfold, as secret untied its knots, until the verge of spilling its moment for the vicious nature of reality to be engulfed.

How on-goer passes by among each other, their expressions clearly etched behind that curvy chin of demeanour.
Smiles full of sincerity, greetings with intent, been the agenda of the living wandering souls.
Searching for the law of strengthening their bonds with each other, people try to endow each other’s feelings better.
If we could be dead on in adjusting to one’s proportion of behaviour, it’s proclaimed that we might had achieved our niche in relationship forging.

Remember our foundation of nurturing, as it’s the most potent stand that guides us to almost anything.
Never try to act as what we’re not, retreating our feelings to a seclusion to the verge it doesn’t even recognise its own owner.
If we judge people’s attitude as detrimental, it’s our own logical sense to determine how we act regarding to that matter.
In the end it’s our actions becoming a vital factor, being guiding or equally misleading.

I utmost the value of mutual relationship, avoiding any causal fracture in human interpretations.
As when we live in a society filled with endeavours, we should learn how to survive to the fittest.
Commencing our own sanity of indications for truth, we strut through our own based pavement towards our future.
Whether we succeed or fail according to the laws of nature, it’s all in the time’s bidding.

I believe we should not fake our own intentions, albeit I was among those that suffers within the vicinity of society’s relentless behaviour of showing off.
With the sole belief that we could follow our own mould of mindset, I barged myself through the society that I naively entrust on prior.
In just mere short timeline of my life unfolded itself, I was struck with various two-pronged dagger that only God acknowledges how my heart weeps.
However it became a lesson for me to indulge on, slowly crawling myself up on this ladder of societal building.

Disappointed, frail with laughter, among the few emotions that I learn to infuse myself with.
People come and go, where massive turnout occurred from all the individuals that I know.
The closest person turned out to be the farthest, whilst the meanest turned out to be the friendliest.
Upturns that occurred in a brief time, felt like a tornado swooping by the horizon.

Although people might interpret us as nonsense without a point, or serious with an objective.
Time unravels us to them in the end, where I ended up with a few friends that I love the most.
Friends turned into enemies, strangers turned into compassionate individuals as compared to siblings, that’s how drastic people could act towards us.
In the end, the cloak of their disguised appearance would still unloosen, revealing what’s behind their thoughts all along.

What we motivate ourselves to learn, the objective that we entrust to improve what little knowledge that we had.
It’s the soil of our further upbringing, harbinger towards our life goals.
We had finally reached the peak intersection in our life, where we are left with nothing but independence.
The selection to struggle ourselves and strive forward, or just remain static & be swept away with the movements of the breeze.

We had reach the end of Part 1 of our life.  Now it’s to begin anew, with a new resolution.

p/s: I love you, Miss Ma, Mi, Da, Na, Ca, Ti, Ro & not forgetting Mr. Te, Ar, Sy, Ri, Ki.  One person had lost the position.

Programming Language: Understood. Love Language: 404 Not Found

I have officially studied for 4 years in university, for the Information Technology field.  So far among the programming language that I had in my arsenal included HTML, XHTML, XML, PHP, C++, Javascript, & some JAVA included.  Although I hadn’t mastered 100% of its technical usage, I could say that with every essence of programming language, you need time & effort to endow yourself with its flow in order to be proficient.  That’s computer language.  For human language, I had learned a few in my 24 years of living: Malay, English, Iban, Cantonese, Foochow, Mandarin, Hokkien, & some primitive Sarawak language.  As people exclaimed, I’m the type of person “between the gates”.  Every language without a doubt required time to master.  However, 1 language that still existed within the domain of uncertainty is LOVE.  

How to proclaim it: I haven’t been involved in the conflicts of quarrels & incompetency between couples as I’m still in search for the perfect one.  Let time decide, I say.  My family’s improper upbringing might be the reason I felt I suddenly need to speed everything up.  Quarrel because of clashes in ideologies is what often occur in my family of mixed culture proportions.  Thus bringing up 4 children, each with their own specialties in this world.  It probably leads us to spread our wings further, to deploy our nets into the depths of ocean that no one might dare to wander towards.  Be it from the Malay or Chinese nature, each of our siblings prone to nurture towards a side.  Like me, I’m at the middle.  I always doubt, whether the journey for me to look for a perfect match made in heaven should pick race dominant over another.  I must admit, I kind of attached to races other than Malays.  Probably after I’m raised in a society where the existence of Malays are distinguishable by hand or closer still, abacus.  I often filled my vision with sensitivities before judging a decision, be it from Malay or Chinese’s perspective.  My field of description might be wider than others, but it’s also my own downfall.

Love.  Sarang. 爱 .  From my point of view, love is definitely something to be shared with those that you’re fond of.  You could love your family, brethrens, friends, or put it simple, the person that you felt comfortable with.  In this case, opposite sex.  You probably won’t even realize that you’ve fallen in love.  You love something because of motivation to acknowledge its existence.  You love a person because you felt that their compatibility traits with you are like nuts & bolts.  You might love something because the urge to make it better.  In this case, love is with motives. 

A pure feeling such as love came with a great price.  You can’t play around with people who’re in love deeply.  Like what Naruto said, “When you have the urge to protect someone due to love, that’s what made you stronger.”  Once that barrier is lifted, you would do anything for the things that you love.  This brings into question: what happens when the love in unrequited, or should the love succeed?  Like for my case, I could say that within this period I’ve fallen in love with few people that I perceived, a perfect companion.  They could act dopey with me, become serious all of a sudden, or sharing the same traits that I felt suitable with my passive being.  However, that’s when I always over step the region that’s forbidden.  If I’m with people, their first impression is that I’m a cold & shy individual.  I won’t greet people who I just recognized, however as time ensues they’ll discover that I had my own corky & gentle demeanour.  I like that approach of getting to know new people, because vie there you could perceive a person’s intention & sincerity in becoming friends with you.

However, the ladder that I often slipped on is my nature of being too courteous.  I could treat people’s priority higher over mine, so far as to going that extra mile to ensure that a smile would’ve been carved on their face.  To this few people that I deem worth to be loved more than as ordinary friends, I can’t claim the magnitude of times that they made me laughed hysterically or cried in distress.  So far, there are only 3 people who succeeded in making a gentle soul like me cried hysterically, even though I’m a male.  The feeling’s worst that after watching those melodramas, it crawls with me every day in my life.  Citing the most recent account where a person cried whilst having conversation with me made me review my obligation to serve the people that I love right. 

During that moment, it made me think that I had the responsibility to care for them the most, even might be at the cost of my own life to see them happy.  Previously I had lost a few people that I love in my life that made me avoid any circumstances to see them occur again.  However, this strength that I build up is the two-pronged sword that stabbed me again & again these couple of months.  Can’t say how much I’m hurt by the same person that I perceive gentle in nature, suddenly become an unforgiving emotion assassin that I was stunned with.  The feeling is just like when you’re living in a huge bungalow alone, where John the Ripper could come & pounce up to you the second you blink your eyes.   Slowly I lost trust in people, be it caring for them with compassion or the sensation of ever falling in love ever again.  How hard people come into your life & reside at the comfortable domain in your head, then manage to leave swiftly without any trails that ever indicate their existence in your life.  It’s a shocking incident that crawls with my life here, as the person’s existence is still as solid as concrete.

Back to the points earlier of a person to not toy around with the pure feeling such as love.  I have known a few individuals that I deem as filled with love, albeit just for a short while.  It felt different getting to know them, where they didn’t show those indications of insincerity in their friendship with me.  Dare to mention their names, such as Mastura, Dayah, Mimi, & Kim.  I mean, just looking at their face made me felt like getting along with them the whole day without a slight sensation of awkwardness.  Filled with bright atmosphere, lively smiles, & hearty conversations, those are the people that I judge were the actual definitions of people filled with love.  Seeing them made me happy, no matter how somber my previous mood was.  As compared to the person that I deem I love as a friend, whose face expression concealed a thousand question within my mind & shrouded in mystery where I didn’t understand a damn of what they’re thinking, it’s least painful when you’re friends with bright people.  It’s not mocking your love for them, it constructs the foundation of care better & undoubtly, sturdier.  It made me review the perceptions of falling in love properly, how I should provide better love for those that deserved it.  Not by acting like Santa Claus & just dumping the love until the extent that it scarred myself in the progress.

So after this, I vowed with all my heart that I won’t slant to the wrong side again.  Be it a more detailed & thorough journey of identifying what is LOVE, not by simply barging into a mistaken identity that I perceive wondrous & blissful that I poured all out & left a man with nothing at the end of the day.  Like I mentioned earlier, I’m a man who failed in love thrice.  I was too naïve to proclaim that a comfortable sensation could be determined as love.  You could love your friend, care for your family, & share the feeling of getting acquainted with a person that you deem deserving.  In the end, it all comes to whatever that you see could make your life meaningful.  You could cheat yourself of loving someone & be comfortable with them to the extent that you ended up with scars, or with some presumption of happy-go-lucky people that would contribute that pinch of emotion just to see you end up happy in your life.  It’s one way or another.  

“Even though you know there are other, wiser ways to live, you feel that if you turn your back on everything you've worked toward, it's like admitting you lived a lie. I've had moments like that.” – Psycho Pass, episode 19