Make it or Break it

A piece of advice from yours truly.  After eflecting the problems on myself...

Diamonds in the Rough

As my bro Arvin is headed into bed, suddenly I had this tinge of composing a poem.  The 1st person that came into my mind.  No, not cat lover this time.  It's a person that's very special.  The very 1st Sabah lass that I befriended in the university ever since the 1st semester.  So, kind of took me 1 hours to wrote, just sit there in the dark....she inspires me.

<~Diamonds in the Rough~>

A description of honesty, I would like to describe your appearance.

A piece of indescribable beauty, your smile weakens.

I noticed your sincerity, gleaming from the distance of my recent prehistory.

My stories is been shared with you abruptly, unnoticed by my dimmed cognitive.

As I would like to illustrate you, my hearts shook with intensity.

Situated far underneath the rubble, shreds of black ore shimmered without attention.

Formed from various decomposition of human insanity, yet remained within the crowd of undiscovered integrity.

As far as others see it, the black ore is ignored for its outer identity,

Shunned from a bunch of precious artifacts dug out from the crude soil, undermined truth known as popularity,

Over the time endured, the value of the black mineral unnoticed grows enormously than those thats shoveled out in the moment of dire & dominating greed.

Your identity is like the black ore, may remains not furbished until the end of time.

Could the miners discover something as true & genuine as the black ore’s worth, remain undiscovered from the masses amidst humbly has the highest value of them all?

It’s what I equalize your presence, a gift from above that’s hard to recognize initially,

During the time that you appeared from out of nowhere, the strategic moment it symbolizes.

It’s of utmost value rather than those others, shining brightly among its kind but the value lessens as time progressed.

Back when we known each other, we were as filial & crude as the rocks from the underground.

Our values are significantly distinguished from our own types, but we always remain under the slumber of crowd spotlight.

We known each other day after day, as when true friends value only emerge when our emotions go underway.

Although we’re strangers by then, slowly we build the courage to diminish our inner awkwardness.

Still concealed from the mountains of rough sand known as human perception, you always been the guidance for me to shed my shell.

Congruence of people perception, clashes of inner emotion, crises of unperceptive opinions;

We judged it with our untarnished remaining pure sanity, distinguishing the facts from the fiction.

I was weak without any guidance, but you dared me out of my illusion & conscience.

With your unpolished value of confidence, you guided me out of convergence.

As I started to lead my own way of trust for myself, you laid static in the side await the moment where you would appear when I needed trust for support.

That’s how I judged you as a black ore that’s unpolished, anonymous albeit with the purest value & identity.

Your inner beauty that attract & stuns, whenever you slowly but forcefully allowed yourself to gleam among the crowd.

Progressing time, unraveled your blissful smile full of charisma and sincerity.

When the right goldsmith sort and assimilate you from the bunch of emeralds, rubies & amethyst that buyers earlier deem precious, your value comes to light.

As I would put you, your existence is similar to a diamond disguised as black ore in the dust.

Your inner beauty, outer identity, and firm integrity,

Become focused under the spotlight, shone mighty & highly within the authority.

I’m glad that with you around, the world becomes a place filled with wondrous mystery,

Always looking for something to form within your presence, because I know it won’t be a calamity,

You are a diamond, rough from the earlier hours, forming your value & identity alone without coming into contact with others’ path of righteousness,

Forming the mould of precise humanity, where the diamond value within you gleams strongly. 

<2.16 a.m., Saturday August 11^th 2013.>

 

So wherever she is, she managed to land the special spot in my feeling.  A dear friend.

 

Journey in Penang...& Practical

9^th July 2013.  My new journey started.  A tour toward nurturing adolescents in the school.  Well, it’s a path that we must go the moment we enrolled into this institution.  The strange thing is, why did they make it compulsory for us to attend internship if we are only focused on teaching?  If anyone’s smart enough to realize it in my course, they might somehow try to fill up their knowledge with outer information by now.  It’s holiday, so I’m spilling the beans again.

The day when I left my hometown, I wondered if I made the accurate decision to return home in a mere less than 3 weeks period.  When my mom claimed that she wanted to divorce during my final semester 6 exam, that’s when my conscience made me purchase the flight ticket.  I’ve seen the day to come, where all my siblings agreed to it.  The man’s causing her too much pain.  But during my 20 day stint at home, I’ve seen mom smiling & cheerful expression after I acted as a joker.  Telling her my experience, sharing about perspective of our broken household in a humorous way.  That period, I was her protector.  My mom told me that he’s intimidated with my presence.  I know.  Somehow he won’t had it in mind that the very same Farid that’s unorganized & been scolded upon every day before school could become so proficient in languages, talking so maturely.  Mom even bought me a new Xperia L to replace my problematic Xperia Mini Pro that I gave to my brother.  But as I await for the divorce call, it didn’t happen.  But at least, I made mom happy.  That’s what matters.  The divorce would come soon, I acknowledge it.  The notion just required the presence of all 4 of us siblings to make it happen.

As I returned to Peninsula, mom send me that day.  Heart sobbing expression indeed.  When I wanted to take a memory picture with her, she refused.  Maybe some of us didn’t want to be weakened to the core when we see stuff that reminds us of what we care about.  I reached Tanjung Malim and stayed there for a night before I continue to Penang.  The democracy I met there.  Mentioning an incident with my course mate, I met 1 of them during my purchase of train ticket.  He told me that there’s another who would also depart the very same night.  At the counter, he told me he’s also buying the ticket for the pal who would left with us.  His name is A***, our older senior.  He told me he’s short in cash department that time, so I offered to pay up for the cause.  When we left that night, we were almost late due to their last-minute packing.  I almost went berserk & panic.  However everything just went to a pass.  A pal of mine, housemate of his, took us to the train station.  Okay, they gave him 5 bucks as a sign of appreciation.  I gave 10.  And he just took it.  The experience just went by when we took the train.  When I reached Bukit Mertajam, I’m still waiting for A*** to pay up.  Although he said 3 times that he would, he never did.  Hrm, them.  I’ll just view this action as probably a treat for them.

I’m staying with my pal Arvin in Penang.  He’s the one who sort of “saved” me that day, when my course mates create a ruckus over signing the school registration form.  The few that told me they’ll took me in, they were invisible to me that day.  I only saw them after it ends, when they came by and said, “Minta maaf Farid, saya dah ambik sekolah yang dekat dengan rumah.  Dah penuh.  Sorry ye tak dapat ikut janji kita”.  I mean, that’s the incident that made me feel that my course mates are people that couldn’t be trusted.  Even if they proclaim they’re saints & their popularity is greater than ours.  I vow to disappear when I return in semester 8, no need for me to aid these people anymore.  Independent is good.  I’ve stray away from my story a bit, he he.  I kind of doubt my stay with Arvin, as I’m afraid that I’m more of a burden than good.  During the first few days of me arriving here, I could see that he attempted to be a good host by taking me to visit his town; the shopping outlets, residential areas, roads, & etc.  He even rejected my offer of paying monthly rent, however just asking me to pay for the fuel ride to school.  He’s nice, I think.  Eventually few days passed.  His parents first treat me with hospitality.  The father is well, different from the mother.  He’s very gentle in speech, not  harsh or anything.  His mother, she always speaks in Hokkien.  His father is the first who greeted me & took me on tour around my school compound, SMK TASEK.  However nowadays I just notice that they sort of losing that “warmth” element.  Sometimes when Arvin’s not around, I could hear his mother talking about me.  Saying how I only stayed static in the room or chatted to them.  I presume that they thought I’m shy as I’m not a full-fledged Chinese, & still been dominated by my Malay trait.  So nowadays I just stay in the room.  But here on out, Arvin took me less for outing.  I don’t know the reason.  Maybe, I need to be patient to endure this remaining 3 months.

For my school, it’s been a huge culture shock for them to accept me.  Mostly because my slanted-Chinese complexion.  I remembered the first day I’m in, we had an assembly.  I was been pushed to sit in the same row as the Principal.  Wow, I was dead nervous.  Imagine that thousands of eyeballs just stare at you, blank & motionless.  The dire moment came when the PK1 said, “Encik Farid bin Morsidi, dari UPSI.  Sila perkenalkan diri awak kepada seisi sekolah.”  I tried to act cool, and my dialogue was, “Asalamualaikum.  Saya Farid bin Morsidi dan berasal dari Sarawak.  Saya dapat bertutur dalam 7 bahasa, kecuali bahasa Tamil.”  The students clapped like, crazy!!!  Since that day, students that I encountered always inquired, “Cikgu Cina masuk Islam ka? Muka Cikgu macam Cina ooo...”  Maybe that’s among the reason why **na rejected me, perhaps.  The nice thing is that there’s 2 Indian teachers who’re so friendly with me ever since Day 1.  They are my neighbor.  .  Madam Raymala & Jaycintha.  Both of them are teaching English, while Mdm. Jaycintha in teaching Chemistry as addition.  Mdm. Raymala always chatted with me about the school, & it’s funny stuff.  These are the twos that always chat with me in English, where I thought "Aah, finally."  The PK’s are always in a cliché, so are the Science & IT teachers.  From there I sort of know the school’s administration.  The other teachers sort of greet-and-hi with me often, but we don’t know each other much.  

I was given 5 classes to guard; Form 4 Science for History while 2 Form 1 & Form 2 classes each for Computer Literacy.  For the Form 4 & Form 1 classes, they sort of acknowledged my teaching styles already.  I shared everything with them, even including my love history.  Names of the people involved are not left out (sic.).  I sort of blended in with them.  The most awful is for my 2^nd Former classes.  They’re the most rascal, deviant batch in the school.  I wonder why I was given them to control.  Why?  Question mark.  I need to claim that I’ll hack their Facebook account should they ever open it, & I got the power to shut off all the networks via my maiden computer.  Yeah, I sort of bluffed. J I can’t control them much.  However there are a few of these students who’re trying to make their class to cooperate with me, even often silencing their friends who’re truant for me.  There’s 1 class who I always got relief into, my Form 1 Gigih.  Although they are sort of uncontrollable, but they know how to behave at the appropriate time.  I think that it’s just probably their nature of growing up.  We can’t ask them to keep silent to the extent that they’re mute to socialize with their surroundings.  Whenever I came in, they always gather around like a swarm of bees, saying “Cikgu, kami nak cerita!!!”  Owh, I thought.  I told them my life stories, how I claimed my dad “passed away”, my shred of Chinese culture, my sixth-sense abilities, & my short-love experience.  I was touched that day when I told them about **na.  One of them said, “Cikgu lempang je dia.  Jangan bagi muka.  Macam tu dia buli cikgu.”  I felt that people heard what I’m trying to convey wrongly.  She did nothing wrong, it’s her nature that caused me to be much hated.  I concede to that.  But, these classes might just make up my day of living in this school.

From my experience in Penang, slowly & faintly I manage to understand a bit of myself.  I’m not that shy, just that my painful childhood history shielded my courage to socialize fully with people.  I’m not that voice-conserved individual, it’s just that my voice is deprived after less conversating with people.  I’m not that less topic to chat with, just that I enjoy silence.  I could be super-friendly, but to those that I’ve known enough.  I’m willing to sacrifice without regretting, just for the sake of the people who need it the most.  I dislike people who always show off what they have, whilst they thought others don’t.  I’m very particular in my actions, it’s because I don’t want anything to go wrong.  I like to help those that I love, but I don’t want them to betray my trust.  I get annoyed hard, but once I did it would be painful difficult for me to forgive.  So with the upcoming Raya where I won’t get the luxury of savouring it with my family like others who often return like RM800 bucks is like Double A paper & bragging about it, I hope that my 4 months here doing practical would be a smooth one.  Be it a good sacrifice for me to endure living in people’s homeland, but it’ll be a proud exclamation for me to say, “Yeah, I lived here before. ...”, “I’ve experienced Raya without a family” when my graduation comes next year.  

 Kudos.

Students, My Tension, & My Experience

3rd week with these students. They know about my love, ghost story, etc.  And that's how bonds us closer.