Companion, Actual or Disguise?

Let's roll, true buddy.

A companion, being a figure wondrously blessed,

Atoning for the misery, bequeath the person with bliss,

Sharing one’s existence with terms, subjugated with conditional entity,

As one sees it, a candle igniting to darkness we call LONELINESS.

A partner, consistent by manners of humanity,

Abiding by the rules of harmony, maintain the reality’s sync,

Whether it’s favorable ambition of delight, or simply donned mask of torture,

In which the circulation of rational sanity is adhered, nothing existed that can’t be resolved.

A friend, accompanying one another through thick and thin,

Where one’s behavior is transparent, they foresees it all,

Literally there’s no concealment, as there’s nothing as a eternity act of feign attitude,

Where gradually friends bonded, crossing through the boundaries within an ocean of obstacle.

In which white purity of kindness embedded in humanity, there’s always the black putrid layer of disgrace,

Colours one’s thought, certifying their judgment of acceptance or objection,

With the one more potent shook as RIGHT, while the failing couple being dejected as FALSE,

Shrouds a person’s vessel of subconscious, determines the righteous path of obligation.

An obligation to protect one’s will of friendship, or obeying the precise perception of inner thought,

Adhering to the desire to restrain the companion’s comfort, or just dejecting their so-called envisioning of accurate reality,

Being a tug of war in subconscious, another pulled with might while the contrary defends with sheer pleasure,

In which the losing end fails the cut, the victorious being the determining force of reckoning.

As friendship is a treasure of delight, we mustn’t give in to illusionary twilight of dissipating inner desire,

Where our soul would suffer the tearing of emotional interlock, whilst the other gained composures of infidelity,

When they’re God’s transcended being of companion to us, indifferent as we are to them,

Being fair and strive to perfect conjugation, in which a FRIENDSHIP is might,

p/s: I'm starting to feel over-sensitive these days, but it makes my mind sane enough to generate ideas for my poem...

Disembodiment of Illusion, Awake for Alteration

Feigned by sense of empathy or dear innocence,

Strutting thyself out upon the veils of composure,

Maintaining your astronomical saint of righteousness,

Ignoring every shreds of sensibilities in particular,

While oblivious, conned by the envisioning of the so-called ABSOLUTE REALITY.

Entrapped within thy conscious, fret with disapproval,

Overview never dim from the painstaking heat, emerged from the sun of confidence within thyself,

Without once, considering about the credibility of the judgment made,

Singled-out the souls that encompassed your pathway to freedom,

Mixing the selfishness with a batter of so-called thing such as PRECISION.

Without a doubt, the sane decision were mould,

Taking into consideration what lingers within oneself weight of RIGHT and WRONG,

As such, relief being the factor that binds thyself to the oblivion of comfort,

Guiding the way with a proportional ounce of arrogance, known as CONFIDENCE,

That the surroundings were shredded as sheets of paper, crumpled into a ball of pettish reality.

Accountancy that duplicates within the cognitive noggin’, accumulated by the so-called PRECISE JUDGMENT,

Being the only shrouded illusion, illuminating within the clouds of arrogance,

Shimmering with sparkles of deeds, most of it were past stories,

As told by the limbs, without acknowledgement of SANITY versus ABSURDITY,

The vessel only carries out its routine duties of composure, eventually losing grip of what the body know as TRUE while the others identify as FALLACIES.

Varied from thyself vessel of subconscious, it’s people perception that shapes the eternity,

The sky’s the limit of imagination, but within the head there’s height boundary for painstaking decision,

Something that pierces another soul’s existence, without a doubt hindering what they wanted to leap forward to,

Megalomaniac as they seems, things may perceive as versa as they seemed to be,

Concurrently sublimates in the dilute solution of thought, before dripping into the containers of LOGIC mind.

As the messiah of humanity, we bear a responsibility to THINK properly,

Without affecting the souls of the living, encasing them with discrimination as such,

As things may be faulty at first, but the wheel of the world will revolve back and haunt yourself,

Avoiding absurdity with a stone’s throw of disillusion, shedding negativity with the proper channel of envisioning,

So it’s time to stop complaining about other’s mistakes, while the core affecting it may just be YOURSELF.

p/s: I wrote this to express my ANGER!!!

Semester 5, A Beginning That's Been Looping for The 2 Years

     

It’s been that time of the year again.  Everything seems revolve along the same pole, over and over again.  The pain or excitement of indulging over the same steps to start another academic semester is excruciating.  Not like it’s desired or anything.  But, just feel so stale with everything’s going on within my conscious.  Even the journey back on the 5^th September (it’s earlier than the supposed date of returning, as I’m involved in a camp organized by the university) seems daunting, as the usual scene where arrogant Sibu-ian with their smartphone and acting of high degree, not comparable to their intellects crowded the airport.  The plane ride, well, not that amusing.  When I look at them, they always sneer back.  One difference that separates me with them is: I’m on my journey to obtain education, while they’re spending their fortune for trips that they could proudly show off to their brethrens later on.  I’m relieved that I’m not in the same mould as them, as I’m a lone warrior Li Sheng-sun a.k.a. BK201, the timid guy that people couldn’t assume the actual emotions lingering inside.  The night I arrived at my residence is shrouded with darkness, as our electricity bills are cut off.  So, I spent the next evening sleepless, constantly raising my torch for any unknown “intruders” that I could sense, mosquitoes & those “stuff”.  Enough chatting about my journey from home by the way, it’s hilarious to me……

As for the last semester, I managed to obtain the position that I truly coveted deeply for the time span that I’m studying here: the Dean’s list.  The vision of the computer monitor when I checked the examination result in the cyber café made me screamed in delight, even ignoring the presence of the on goers there.  It’s what I truly wanted all along.  Remember a previous entry where I listed down 9 matters that I want to achieve?  Proudly I could proclaim that I manage to achieve those, even the number 9 item that seems clearly far away from my grasp: obtaining results higher than 3.50.  And I did.  Probably there are a lot of outside factors that contribute to this, and I’m truly grateful to God for it.  Never expect that in the peak of loneliness by living alone in this big room, I could obtain what that I wanted all along.  However, after returning this time, my noggin is still blurred in convulsion about what I want to achieve this semester.  Probably will had it sorted out soon enough.  After the improvements in my life not just in the university’s hectic scheduling alone, but also my household, it’s time to set my full concentration to my goal.  Seriously say this time.  Along the 2 months that I’m staying free from all outside communications (except sometimes when I texted her for encouragement in her participation on university competitions), I’m quite idle at home.  Witnessed how that guy avoid my presence, not muttering a single word with me from the day I got back up until where I departed for airport, it made me quite daunted although I didn’t care about it that much.  With everyone’s homecoming during the festive celebrations, my household had turned into an actual family that I rarely witnessed before.  My mom keeps on spending, & spending beyond her limits because she’s glad with the peace & tranquility of the compound (with about 80% of her debt problems resolved, she’s at a much more release spot now), my sister actually avoided the presence of that man after finally acknowledging his true nature all this time, my brother’s return after 2 years, it’s actually feeling a little less tense there.   Actually I’m awaiting my sister’s response to my action of adding her on Facebook, but as usual to no avail.  She’s still as damp as a rock’s moss, arrogant and anything.  But by her decision of shunning that man who never provided his necessity to our family, it made me relieved of my tension all this time.

Talking about the university, my involvement in the camping actually brings out respect from the people surrounding me.  All the usual stuff that they’re highly curious about, such as my living nature,  action etc where they’re deeply in doubt had been lessen a bit.  Starting to feel that my “invisibility” stance had been slowly acknowledged.  People know that I’m the less talkative type now, not shy or anything.  With the involvement of these activities, I hope that I could eventually improve the weak curls within this vessel.  However, there’s something that we couldn’t perceive for the time being, that is the revolution of the future.  About my love life, I deeply wonder if the relationship could go further with her maintaining her neutral stance to every effort that I made to make her acknowledge my essence of emotion to her.  It’s a very hard effort to continue on, however it’s these emotions that propel me through my hardship last semester.  She seems……unmoved.  Forgive me for my “cloudy” sentences, as I didn’t wish people to guess what I’m trying to convey directly as they read these article.  As my previous entry before the 4^th semester concluded had been “pry  open ” by some of my course mate, even the hewey-dewey verbs that I use, “be there when she needs the most”.  Now I doubt about the authenticity of my expression.  Should she maintain her neutral stance, is it worth it to keep on this “horse chasing effort”? Or should I end it before the pain of losing love engulf myself, where the sensation hasn’t been able to step on the mat of my doorway-my heart?  It’s an open question that I will answer in the end of this semester I hope.

With the start of the fifth semester, I deeply wish that I could improve myself as much, shredding the image that I’m the same weakling that everyone didn’t acknowledge much all the time I’m in Sibu.  New life must unveil, so it seems.  With this entry,  I officially announcing the new battle’s commencement.  Battle march~ set!!!

Some pics from my recent camping trip

See that tunnel? We had to crawl through it, it's quite fun actually.  Made me feel like BK201's Heaven War in South America, haha...

The female's camp site

It's our tent!!! Right in the end side...

My camera goes slanting.../

Looks like some Inca ruins, so I snap it...history mood~

The "guard" - the goose that every female scared about.  It chases female only, wonder why...

The back of our camp site

Who's in the middle? It's me...

 It's an all-out war ahead...