In the End...It's How this Feeling Ends

 

They say when stars fallen from the skies, constellation that entrails it also comes to an end.

And so I believe, when our hearts actually give in on something it means the conclusion of our will.

Desire to possess something, wanted to accomplish anything, all ends well or the other way round.

As this time my heart told myself, let’s come to a close.

Can’t say how much I tried to endow my feelings, trials to taste the éclairs of my emotions.

Compared to the shrouds of star glimpse on the skies that’s unique among its own, I can’t find anyone in my crowd that acquires all of my traits.

I was literally an orphan in feelings, nobody ever looked after me.

Just like salmon laying its fry, I didn’t receive any support from anyone.

Probably because of this truth, I searched for someone I could love to.

High and low I tilted, whereas my effort often turned futile.

I decide to diverge this love towards my brethren, spreading my compassion until someday I might found the person of my dreams.

The search goes in full coalition, synchronized with my everyday living.

For 5 years I maintained my composure, living without family support.

I remained tough, not budging my thoughts even if my emotions and sanity were heavily battered.

Can’t say how much I developed, my timid state evolved into pieces of mature buds encompassing my opinions.

It was on a special day that I believe I found it, the epitome of my happiness.

There’s a few person became the apple in my eyes, where I lived this universe silently with a head tilt down.

This beings that I grow fond with, I’m attracted by their characteristics be it optimism about their norms.

I can’t describe how much it altered my negative outlook in life, which twice I almost gave up upon.

The magnitude of me caring for them multiplied by many folds, until the verge where I felt like I could even gave my happiness just to see their grin.

Its indescribable vie counting, indescribable via feeling of how I perform to their fulfilments,

Something that I did without regrets, neglecting mourns of fatigue & quality time passed by.

With my actions I perceive, more of the thoughts & composure of the people I hold dear unravels itself.

It’s not without heartache or bittersweet memories, that I managed to endow from those experiences.

The moment of truth arrived, where I judge the compatibilities of us together.

Where in the end it failed in epic proportions, where Fate doesn’t go its path.

Rejected, left behind was all I received so far.

Once again I stood on the crossroads, motionless whilst reviewing which path I should proceed.

Time is the healing factor, where even deepest heartache got healed again.

Where once again I gave my heart it all, to those individuals that I hold dear and love.

I believed that they might be the one, but once again I was left behind.

Dejected with various excuses, I wonder what worth do I carry for them.

In the end I failed, left behind as a man without property that people could envy for.

Maybe I was immature in interpreting my own feelings, where I give my feelings too easily.

My care was returned like an unwashed plate, grease of disappointment still stuck on the surface for me to wipe it clean.

Finally I thought to give it in, maybe I was struggling for nothing after all.

People couldn’t accept us for what we have, in the end neither we couldn’t accept them for part of them that they dejected.

They shielded their own perspectives from our point of view, where it became a thorn in our flesh once it’s unveiled.

Hard to describe how much my heart ached, watching one by one the people that I cared left me in the dust.

It became the essence of my retracting nature, where it might be better for me to hide in my shell.

I’ve spent countless hours mooning on my fate, regretting my naïve composure towards others that might’ve been relayed lightly.

Cries before residing at bed during nightfall, sudden mourning of my dead emotions in every brisk of me being alone.

How do I ever face those people that shook my emotions, accepting the feelings of them that might’ve been acceptable from my favour.

God is my last resort for atonement, crying silently and praying that what comes next would be a better state than before. 

I was deeply disappointed in the world, where the hopes that I saw slowly diminishes.

That I hope I could bounce right back, lifting what’s left in this carcass of mine to earn what’s left to be mine.

Can’t say how much I’ve cried for my failures, atonement of whatever I did wrong.

In the end I only gained a ton of misery, shreds of memories that made me review my previous outlook on life.

It’s time to move on, leaving every strands of painful memory behind.

There’s no use of clinging on to the past, as what’s left must be overridden.

It’s time to develop ourselves beyond our starting point, maturing silently and gaining more insight into life.

I believe there’s people who’s just like them would appear, a day when we would finally be treated just like we deserved.

In the meantime, I'll wait as your imagery slowly evaporates within me & disappear.

P/S: I personally believe that we can’t lie about our own feelings.  Yeah, we might share feelings with someone we deem worth.  That we trust could share our deepest secrets, wipe our tears whenever we’re down, or won’t grow bored with our antics.  However, avoid all misunderstanding regarding what our opposites might think of us.  Blended with our own conception on the matter, it might end up hanging, without any conclusion.  Mutual feeling is something that’s not to sought after, it’ll came to us.  Probably it’ll take a thousand days, a thousand hour, or even a thousand second for it to arrive.  But make no mistake of trying to sacrifice ourselves too much just to earn some sake of love from people to us.  In the end, it might not be worthwhile to be sought after.  You’ll end up more than what you’ve started for.