Flowers, Bees, Survive in Nature

Like a flower petal, her spirit blooms.

Budding in a wide grassy field filled with adjacent stalks of roses, you fully empower yourself.

Even though variants exist within the pavement, your personality gleams among the rest.

Maintaining the equal amount of petals day by day, your emotion never got altered by people’s perception.

Every flora will experience the same experience of life cycle, whether it’s just a grass weed or the vibrant colour of the sunflower.

Struggles to spread its seed, germinates & pollinating across different types of soil.

Dependence on its surrounding initially, however slowly manage to grow with fertility,

As the experience of struggling within a newfound environment changes us internally, our judgment remains the same.

Crawling to endure the passing days, the flower buds according to Mother Nature’s arrangement.

By what its predecessor passed down to it, the flower shares the similar traits of not giving in.

Whether affected by the gust of wind blowing heavily, raindrops that accumulated into flood, the flower still retained its beauty & uniqueness.

“Yeah, we will grow together when time progresses”, the flower would think if it shares the mind of humanity.

After endured for certain amount of time, the flower nearly wilted from the harsh endurance Mother Nature had prepared it.

Deprived of moisture, compose of soil that’s lacking in nourishment, the flower nearly fade out in the struggle of competitive environment.

However, a sign of Fate befall its growing pattern, where a bee lands its feet filled with honey occasionally on the flower’s stalk.

The flower slowly regained its composure, managed to revive its wilted self.

“Stay happy & beauty, I will bring you honey!!!”, the bee proclaimed.

The flower emerged abruptly, spirit filled with new hope & strength to empower its living.

All the tiredness, emotion affected, was recovered within a nick of time.

Once again, the flower gave the bee a mutual shelter filled with the Sun’s warmth & shields from the incoming rain.

Shockingly, the flower managed to overcame its period of depression.

With support always around, care and compassion circulated around its growth.

The flower became the most beautiful bud around, eliminating the dominance of roses that stands out previously with their fragrant smells & perfect untarnished petals with its new tenacity.

“You can do it.  I’m always buzzing around~”, the bee flew around to lend the flower a tendril as support.

P/S: I wrote this to relieve a special person of her sadness.  She's the only lass who'll cry & express her feelings to me bluntly.  She cried once again when I called her earlier this morning.  I know we share the same emotion, lonely.  God, please always give people like her happiness.  Among the people that I knew, she's the only girl that I'm most comfortable with.

Final Betrayal. Time to Move on & Start a New Life.

      Today, once again I realize that I'm the victim of ostracization.  How to put it, I felt that everyone rejected my existence so much.  Maybe, people never see behind the dotted lines, only wanted to write the text on a piece of  well-aligned, block of paper.  The final betrayal that I felt today, a closest friend of mine.  Back in the 9 previous months, I always mention about how sick she is, needed people to attend to her condition.  My heart wavers whenever she complained her state.  She mentioned how she felt to me; the tingling sensation within her skin, people's treatment towards her acknowledged state.  I admit, back then probably people thought I'm fanatic of giving her the best treatment as a friend.  Me posting status on how I wanted her to recover, the long essay I composed about this girl that became an object of hatred for the girls' surrounding me.  I was over reacting again, wasn't I?

      Like I'm a saint, I thought that by praying, constantly vow to give her the best recovery in life, little by little my own identity was tarnished.  Last month, I was disappointed by how she updated her status on her engagement.  Not like I had a crush on her on anything, but as her good friend she never mentioned anything.  Imagine when you're missing someone, you texted her countless times, phone calls that never been reached in the other side, Facebook messaging that were read but weren't replied, then she did that.  I never understand, why people keep on treating me coldly like this.  As on today, she's the second girl that had been placed in my unofficial bingo book.  The book that I never place name for those that I like.  Did she became my enemy unrealized, just like my previous crush?  I PRAY NOT.

      My closest pals were the always been the fuel to ignite my passion, but I never felt that it's enough to empower me further.  I was a really weak person inside.  Maybe, what I did for people that they perceive as "good" or "bad" was just an expression of human emotion.  I never understand what people thought of me in UPSI.  It's my fault for not spending time with others, too dense with my motivation of finishing work.  When the targeted task is done, I always felt empty.  Compared to those that had their task finished at the eleventh hour, I saw their satisfaction is far greater than mine.  It's my fault that I blend in too much with Chinese culture, that my own race ignored my existence as a full-fledged Malay.  How I didn't mingled with my own male coursemates that I assume were full of nonsense, and been too subjective with my own motive to succeed in tertiary institution.  Finally, how I couldn't isolate the misery of my family's separation from my own social life that caused me to always been in a gloomy state, only end up to be cheered up by sweet Ernie.  Maybe, it was always my own doing all this while.

      So, what I did to people might be the toll of everything.  I felt, there's too many mistakes that I did in life that I didn't know how to unravel.  Probably all this while, whilst I'm busy performing reconaisance for a darling partner that could aid me in enduring all these horrible moments, I lost track of what I really need.  I cared too much for people, that I'm hurt in the process.  I treat people with hostility, but people didn't give a damn of returning the favor.  I tried so hard to be excellent, that I keep on depressing myself with pointless worries.  So from this moment onwards, I will fully focus on the 6 important task that I want to accomplish before I die.

1.  Get a Master in Internet Computing.  Or anything relevant.  If can, go for PHD.
2.  End my life in university with forgiveness from all those that I offended directly, or indirectly.
3.  Don't put too much on people's priority anymore.  It's pointless.
4.  Find a good woman that would care for me.  Don't spend time looking for them, let time attracts them forward.
5.  Buy a big house, affordable SUV, marry a Chinese/Mixed/Bumiputera that looks like a Korean beauty, and have 2 children.
6.  Earn enough money to buy Mom jewellery every once per 3 months, provide dear Fandy with protection, & have a happy family that would sit around every Sunday evening & laugh together while watching TV.

If I did all these, I could die in ease.